


This Wasn't Covered in the Literature

by Distracteddiddlin



Series: I Wouldn't Have to go to These Lengths if the Game Just let me use "They" Pronouns [4]
Category: Story of Seasons: Trio of Towns
Genre: Fluff, NB Farmer, Other, Pregnancy, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Wayne shows up a little in the later drabbles don't worry about it, emetophobia warning, there's some puke in chapter 26 is all I'm sayin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2019-10-13 04:42:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 20,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17481386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Distracteddiddlin/pseuds/Distracteddiddlin
Summary: Hey remember that chapter note where I said I had a Bunch of nb farmer and Ford having a kid drabbles and couldn't decide how I wanted to post it?I decided how I wanted to post it.





	1. It Began with a Conversation

**Author's Note:**

> *Emphatically points at #NB farmer tag* Don't make me have to put this note at the beginning of every drabble

Jay giggled from the doorway as they watched Ford try to convince the child to stop crying, and please sit still. The child's parent stood nearby, equal amounts bemused and exhausted by their offspring as the child cried that they were scared. After a few more minutes struggling to take their blood pressure, Ford gave up for the moment, excusing himself to the next room to recompose himself, and give the child some time to calm down. He startled as he turned the corner, nearly walking into Jay. “Ah! _Dear_ , I didn't know you were here… You really shouldn't be down here, I'm in the middle of an examination right now.”

Jay smiled, sheepishly giving an apologetic nod. “ _Sorry_ , I heard the kerfuffle and got curious, everything going okay?”

Ford sighed, taking his glasses off to knead wearily at the bridge of his nose. “No, not particularly, but it's not very surprising…”

“Kid scared of the big, mean-looking doctor?”

Ford pouted, a bit insulted. “I'm not that big…”

“Ford, you look like you're 15 feet tall to a child.” Said Jay.

Ford was silent for a bit. “...Okay, I see your point.”

“Would you like me to help at all? I could help distract them at least.”

He sighed. “Why not. I'm about out of ideas.”

Jay followed after Ford, letting him explain to their mother that Jay was an assistant of his. The child still cowered at the sight of Ford, but was soon focused on Jay instead, who met their stare unabashedly. “Do I have a booger?” They asked the kid.

They giggled, and emphatically shook their head. “No… Your hair kinda looks like… uh…” They trailed off, looking nervously around them.

Jay crouched down next to them to whisper conspiratorially in their ear, motioning to Ford to take their blood pressure while Jay had them distracted. “You mean Dessie?”

The kid's eyes widened as they nodded enthusiastically, suddenly not caring that Ford was checking their blood pressure. “ _You've met her?_ ”

Jay grinned. “Yep! She's a friend of mine.”

The kid gaped, fully distracted as Ford took their other vitals. “ _No way!_ ”

The rest of the exam went much smoother with the farmer providing backup. As Jay talked with the kid, they grew much calmer in Ford's presence, no longer shying away or flailing at him as he listened to their heartbeat.

“My advice? Mushrooms, she loves pretty much anything that grows, but she _loves_ mushrooms, especially mushroom pie.”

The child squinted in concentration as they memorized this bit of information, Ford giving their mother some general advice as they talked with Jay. “Plants but definitely mushrooms, and mushroom pie is best. _Got it_.”

“You should make sure they're getting enough vitamins and wear plenty of sunscreen, and if they have that irritation again, please bring them by right away, they may have a light sun allergy but at this point I can't say for sure.”

“ _Thank you_ , Dr. Ford.”

Jay waved at the child as they left with their mother, waving excitedly back as they tripped over their own feet to keep up, asking if they could buy some mushrooms on the way home.

Ford sighed in relief when the door closed behind them, already tidying up his tools. “ _Thank you, dear_ , you were a wonderful help.”

Jay blushed. “It was nothing Ford, I'm always glad to assist however I can.”

“Well I am still indebted to you, regardless.” He hummed quietly as he sanitized his tools. “They took a real shine to you dear, and _so quickly_. I've been giving them checkups since they were an infant and they _still_ scream when they see me…”

Jay giggled quietly, stepping beside him to help dry them, “They seemed to take a bit of a shine to you too by the end. Didn't scream once.”

“Hmm….” Ford murmured in reply, lost in thought.

“Almost makes you want one of your own?” Jay softly teased, nudging him with a grin.

Ford jolted, and coughed awkwardly, busying himself by putting the newly cleaned tools away.

“... _Ford_ ….” Jay asked.

He continued to fiddle with his equipment, nervously rearranging them as he pretended not to have heard them.

Jay rolled their eyes, and lightly tapped him on the shoulder. “...Do you, Ford?”

“......Do I what?” He mumbled, feigning ignorance before he met their unamused stare. He slouched a little, exuding meekness as he shut the cabinet. “Er, perhaps... a _little…_ ”

Jay rolled their eyes again, taking his hands in their own to squeeze reassuringly. “Why haven't you said anything?”

“Well it- it's a fairly selfish desire of mine… and I didn't want to overrule _your_ feelings on the subject…” He murmured, his eyes not meeting the farmer's.

Jay smiled up at him. “Mmm, I appreciate that a lot dear. I've always been a bit…… _hesitant_ towards having kids. But… that's always been in the context of by myself…”

Ford's brow furrowed, quietly considering their words. Cautiously he met their eye after they trailed off. “Dear… are you saying that…”

They giggled sheepishly, their cheeks slowly going pink. “...If it's with you beside me? Well I guess I could stand to give it a shot.”

Ford grew as red as a radish at their words. He nervously covered up his mouth with his hand, as if it did anything to hide it. “Ah- Are you sure? I don't- ...you don't have to… just to please me…” He quietly mumbled, afraid to meet their eye again as he turned away.

Jay’s smile grew softer, and they sighed as they stepped forward to embrace him from behind, a move they'd grown used to using when he grew insecure like this. Their fingers traced absent circles on his stomach and chest as they waited for the tension in his form to go away. “It's not just to please you… It's crossed my mind once or twice before. The idea _terrifies_ me but I also… am really excited at the possibility of it. I think about the idea of intentionally bringing a new life to this world- to making a _family_ with you… and I _like it_.”

Ford grew lax in their embrace, leaning against them some as he listened to them speak. His hand wandered to rest upon theirs as he listened, and waited for them to finish. “It… _terrifies_ you?”

Jay blushed and hid their face against his back momentarily. “What if I'm not fit to be a parent… What if something happens to you.. or me… What if you grow to regret this…” Jay murmured, quietly listing some of their fears.

“...To regret _you_?” Ford quietly finished. He stepped out of their grasp and turned to face them when they nodded against his back. “ _ **Dear**_ …” He whispered, before embracing them tightly. “ _ **Never**_. It's scientifically _impossible_ for me to do anything but love you. No matter what happens.” He smiled to himself as he felt his shirt grow warm and wet, Jay's hands clutching his shoulderblades. “...Even if it's not… I could never do anything _but_ love you at this point, jelly. No matter what.”

Jay snorted quietly at the nickname before speaking. “ _ **God**_ -... I didn’t- didn’t mean to get all emotional like this… especially all over your shirt, um. I do mean it. That I like the idea of making a family with you...”

Ford chuckled, running his fingers through their hair as he held them close, his face growing flushed as they continued. “If you’re serious… we should discuss this further tonight...”

“Mmhmmm, I'd like that, actually, dear.”


	2. And it Continued with Another Conversation

“We just need to be realistic, Ford.”

“I am not quite sure how you came upon these, erm, goals.”

“Well, for starters, we need the house to have two bedrooms.”

“Isn't our house big enough already?”

“Dear, where will our child sleep?”

“There _is_ room for a crib. We can move furniture.”

“And when they outgrow it?”

“...We can adapt.”

“Ford.”

“...Yes?”

“And how exactly are we supposed to have sex? I mean I'm all for getting creative and handsy in the closet and bathroom on occasion but we have to be realistic in the long-term. Besides it'd be easier to handle an expansion to the house _before_ having a child, rather than after.”

Ford blushed a deep crimson. “I… suppose I see your point…” He cleared his throat, and gestured at the list. “What, ah, what about this one?”

Jay looked. “Dear, raising a child is expensive, I'm sure you know this.”

“Yes, but this number is a bit… large.”

“Ford.”

“Yes dear?”

“Let me frame it this way. If you're at the clinic doing your job, and I'm at home raising our child, how much farming am I doing? If you're here raising our baby while _I'm_ farming, where is the money to pay for the costs of your clinic coming from?”

He paused. “Ah… right, I… forgot- ...You’re... accounting for my work's upkeep too?”

Jay fidgeted. “Well, it's more of a fund to dip into while earnings may be a bit… _lower_ than normal for whatever reason. ...But, erm, yes I was accounting for your clinic in this as well.” Jay trailed off with a mumble.

Ford chuckled softly. “You don't have to dear, I'll be able to manage somehow…”

Jay smiled and gently took his hand. “I thought we both made a vow. To share our triumphs _and_ struggles. You- you don't have to do it all on your own.” Jay stumbled over the last few words as they grew shy, blushing over the loving look Ford gave them.

“The same goes for _you_ dear. I hope you realize I’ll be contributing to the fund as well.”

Jay smiled, a teasing glint in their eye. “Oh? Mr. ‘I keep having serious dents in my finances because I give medicine away to my patients who can’t afford it because I’m a compassionate softie?’”

Ford frowned, adjusting his glasses nervously with a cough. “ _Ahem_ … yes, well…”

Jay shook their head with a smile. “I like that about you, dear. We’ll work out the finances later, we still have quite a bit of time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyy, look, you get 2 of the drabbles at once because I already posted one in the other collection  
> also, context: there's no way my farmer would actively work towards kid obtaining without some goddamn ground rules and at least some basic benchmarks for finances and home environment like, y'all


	3. You Can't Make an Omelette Without Breaking a Few Eggs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /pointedly gestures at #NB farmer tag

“I’m- I’m sorry.” Ford mumbled, the amount of shame behind his words nearly drowning out the words themselves.

Jay shook their head, moving to embrace him and shove him onto his back on the bed. “Stop. Stop apologizing. There’s always another day.”

“But the timing is _perfect_ tonight. And our schedules match up, no other plans to have to worry about tonight. And here I am…” Ford trailed off, scowling so very deeply at himself as shame burned low in his belly.

“...’Unable to perform?’” Jay finished, a bittersweet smile on their face as they met his eye.

“Just another example of me being unable to meet expectations.” Ford muttered under his breath to himself.

“The high expectations you hold for yourself?” Jay murmured, kissing his nose gently. “Damn. Guess there’s no hope then. Better give up now.” They teased.

He scowled at them, unamused. “Jay. This is _**serious**_.”

“Can I ask you a question?” Said Jay quite suddenly.

“I-.... Sure.” Ford mumbled, caught completely off-guard.

“Is this stressing you out?”

“What, erm... What are you referring to?”

“ _This._ ” Jay murmured as if it was enough of an explanation on its own. “You don’t normally get so… goal-oriented in bed. What happened to just enjoying the sensation? Is… trying to conceive stressing you out too much?”

Ford flushed deeply at their question. “I erm… Well… Y- ...Yes, I suppose so…” He mumbled.

“Ford… My only expectations are for us to enjoy this, and if it takes, well that's just a bonus. If it doesn’t? Well, we can always keep trying. I mean, if you’re still interested, that is.”

He stammered, clearing his throat subtly as his throat suddenly went dry. “I… erm, well… You're positive about this?”

They snorted before they nuzzled their forehead to his. “Yes. I am dear. _Especially if it means I get more opportunities to make you make that noise you make when I grab_ -”

“ _ **Jay!**_ ” Ford shouted in surprise, a sheepish smile on his face as he did, before devolving into chuckles as Jay laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a fun game to play at home: try to guess what Jay grabbed


	4. Is this Covered by the Insurance?

“...To be honest, my hands are shaking… and my vision’s going white…” Ford murmured weakly, suddenly feeling the farmer’s hands grab him.

“ _ **Ford! ...Ford!**_ ”

Ford’s eyes fluttered open again shortly after, Jay supporting him in their arms as he’d collapsed on top of them.

“ _ **Don’t do that to me again**_. Come on… let’s get you seated.” Jay mumbled, leading him towards the bed.

Ford all but collapsed again onto the bed this time, his knees going out when he tried to sit down. “I…… apologize for this… I… Um… _don’t fully believe this is actually happening_.” He began to tear up, his eyes prickling with tears of joy. He sniffled quietly when Jay wiped a stray tear away, and looked up to see their equally weepy smile as they looked down at him. 

Jay leaned down to nuzzle their forehead to his, taking a seat on his lap with a teary hum. “ _You’re going to be a father_.”

Ford let out a happy sob, hugging them tightly to himself. “ _I’m going to be a father_.” He gave a giddy, incredulous chuckle. “ _ **I’m going to be a father**_.”

“ _We’re going to be parents_.” Jay whispered, taking his face in their hands.

“...... _We’re going to be parents_.” Ford repeated, leaning forward to kiss them gently. “...We’re going to be parents… We’re doing this.” He breathed.

“...It’s actually happening.” Jay replied. They nudged Ford further onto the bed, lying ontop him as soon as he did. “It’s really happening.”

“It is…..” Ford mumbled.

They laid like that together for only a few minutes, Jay nuzzling his neck warmly as his head swam with possibilities, anxieties, and excitement, before Ford tried to get up again. “I need to- need to start preparing. To-.” 

Jay interrupted him, shoving him down on the bed again. “That can wait.”

Ford struggled beneath them. “We need to start preparing as soon as possible, I have a booklet-” 

“It can wait. You're getting ahead of yourself again.”

“No I am _not_. W-We- We need to get supplies. I need to make sure Miranda has baby clothing in stock by your due date. And I need to make sure my schedule is clear of appointments.” Ford stammered. He spoke a mile a minute, and began to hyperventilate as it sank in.

“Breathe, Ford. In. Out.” Jay murmured. Their fingers ran through his hair as they met his eye. “Follow me. In… and out… and in…”

Ford’s breathing stuttered as he tried to follow their lead, his eyes locked with theirs. 

In. 

There was so much that needed to be done, preparations that needed to be undertaken.

And out.

Not to mention they would both need to decide when to tell friends and family.

In.

He needed to child-proof the house… and likely the clinic as well.

And out.

The clinic… he’d need to figure out how to work his schedule out to take care of a child _and_ his patients, _and_ his research.

In.

There was so much that needed to be done. That he needed to do. That they… they.. both... needed to do.

And out.

They both were in this, together. It was going to be a lot of work, but it was something they were in _together_.

“Better?” Jay asked once his breathing began to finally steady, nuzzling Ford’s forehead.

“I… yes. Thank you.” He mumbled in reply, still shaky and nervous.

“...One step at a time. We’ll get through this.” Jay mumbled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But Pagliacci, I _am_ doctor


	5. Hey...

Ford sat at his makeshift work area in the farmhouse, staring into the distance at nothing in particular. He was so deep in thought, the farmer was able to sneak up behind him easily.

Jay gently touched his shoulder, only jolting lightly when he startled where he sat. “Only me dear, sorry. Is everything okay?”

Ford smiled, albeit somewhat sadly as he shook his head. “I'm fine dear, just… thinking to myself.”

Jay frowned, and reached to let their fingertips trace one of his cheekbones, their hand cupping his cheek. “You seem to be doing that a _lot_ recently dear. I'd like to know a little about what's going on in that brilliant head of yours.”

Ford fidgeted where he sat, his head leaning into their touch but his eyes not meeting theirs. Eventually he sighed. “You remember I told you the story about the child who burst into tears at the sight of me? ...It… happens not infrequently…” He sighed again, his fingers worrying at the edge of his sleeve. “I suppose I can't help but wonder about what if this happens again… with ours.”

“Oh _**Ford**_ …” Jay murmured, their hand drawing back from his cheek.

He slouched in embarrassment, curling in on himself in an attempt not to be seen. “I… am _aware_ it's not a rational fear. I… should know better at this point.” He mumbled in embarrassment.

“...But when has anything that involved us ever been wholly rational.” Replied Jay, trailing off into silence for a while. “...For what little it's worth… I think they're gonna _love_ you.” They eventually finished, staring fondly at Ford as they said this.

Ford coughed quietly in embarrassment, his flushed cheeks barely visible in the dim night lights. “You… you don't have any real proof to back this up. Realistically speaking.”

Jay hummed thoughtfully, leaning down to nuzzle their forehead to his with a smile. “Think of it this way Ford, they're made of half of me, and half of you. If I _adore_ you Ford, at the very least they're gonna love you to pieces.”

Ford continued to flush, the threat of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “That doesn't sound very scientific, dear.” Ford pointed out.

Jay rolled their eyes playfully, tugging his arm to lead him back to their bed. “Okay” murmured Jay, wrapping their arms around him after finally getting him back under the covers with them. “Try this instead. Unless you have plans I'm not party to, you're gonna be here for the birth and afterwards. They're gonna see their serious, stoic and so very tall father very often. They're gonna see how red and shy you get when I kiss you. They're gonna see how your whole face lights up even when you give the tiniest smile. And they're gonna see how much we love each other, and how much we love them, and I guarantee they're gonna love you to pieces Ford.”

Ford was very unsure what to do with himself over this. His heart felt like it had leapt to his throat when they began talking, and it had just swelled there as they continued. Which was why when he spoke, the best he could manage was to croak out a quiet ‘Ah’. His eyes watered and threatened to spill out over his cheeks. Emotion took over him in a way he was not wholly accustomed to, his breathing shaky as his lip wobbled ever-so slightly.

Jay smiled softly, their own eyes growing misty at the sight. Gently they dabbed at his face with a tissue grabbed from nearby. They sighed and cupped his cheeks, their thumb swiping away a tear that managed to escape. “I can't… say they're _never_ gonna cry at you, because they will. Just like they'll cry at me. And the cats. And at a cow. And probably over a butterfly that gets too close. But they're also going to laugh and smile. They're gonna do all these things for the first time ever with us and you're gonna be along for the ride too.” Jay smiled, leaning over to nuzzle their forehead to his, quietly teasing. “ _Whether you want to be or not_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...If there were two guys on the moon and one killed the other with a rock would that be fucked up or what


	6. I Forgot What I was Gonna Call this Chapter

“Well everything _appears_ to be in order… How, erm, how are you feeling so far dear?”

“Well… a little tired and achy, but still very excited.”

“Good. Good….. I'm…. So happy to hear that.”

Jay smirked.

“...And what is the meaning of this particular look?”

“You're getting sappy again.”

“I have no idea to what you are referring to.”

“Mmm, certainly not my stoic husband who blacked out when he saw the pregnancy test results.” Jay teased.

Ford fidgeted, suddenly very sheepish. “Yes. Well… There were extenuating circumstances…”

Jay rolled their eyes, dragging Ford into a hug. “You're becoming a softy at the prospect of being a dad. It's adorable.”

“...I find this particular claim of yours to be quite suspicious.” Ford muttered under his breath.

Jay squinted up at him. “...That you can be soft or that it’s adorable?”

Ford mumbled to himself, too quiet to make out, as he eased into their embrace.

Jay rolled their eyes and nuzzled their face into his chest. “...I’m so lucky to have you by my side like this.” They mumbled under their breath.

Ford began to blush, sheepishly adjusting his glasses before embracing them back. “...I’m twice as lucky with you at mine.” He whispered, nuzzling a kiss to the crown of their head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao this one was tiny...


	7. Oh My God The Sappyness

“Oh!” Jay squeaked quite suddenly, jolting where they were seated on the couch.

“What? Is something the matter?! Do you feel alright?” Ford stammered, at their side at an instant and working himself up into a nervous lather just as quickly.

Jay waved off his questions, batting his anxiously probing hands away with a small smile. “It's okay, they just kicked and startled me. False alarm Ford.”

He deflated, coughing in embarrassment as he straightened, his cheeks pink with blush. “Ah, yes… Very well dear.” He regarded them quietly, his gaze lingering on their swollen midsection, lost in thought.

“Do you want to feel?” Asked Jay.

“Mm- What was that?” Ford stuttered, snapped out of his thoughts by their question.

“Do you want to feel them kicking?” Jay asked again.

Ford fidgeted, nervously regarding them as he thought it over. “.....N- no I think I'm quite alright…” Ford eventually mumbled.

Jay shrugged, settling back down into the couch. “Offer’s open if you change your mind.” 

Ford nodded as he made his way back to where he'd been working on his research. Though in all appearances devoted to his work in front of him, Ford's mind was utterly elsewhere, as was evident at how every sentence he jotted down trailed off very quickly. 

Jay does nothing but smile and beckon Ford closer when he sits on the sofa next to them not five minutes later, sheepishly clearing his throat. A giggle escapes their lips when he moves to place his hand on their belly, glove still in place. “Ford.”

He stills immediately, his hand hovering nervously over them.

Jay merely giggles again, shaking their head as they grasp his wrist. “Without the glove?”

Ford swallows, blushing in quiet embarrassment but nodding at their suggestion, de-gloving immediately.

Jay shivers gently when his fingers touch them, his hand somewhat cold to the touch against their skin.

He tries not to show his disappointment when several minutes pass by without even a hiccup under his hands. He shakes his head, distracting himself by focusing instead on the marvel that lay beneath his hand as-is. That a new life was growing, that they were both responsible for, and were going to care for. An entire new person, a legacy, another family member. He grew so distracted by the biological marvel and related sappy thoughts, that he was severely startled when Jay’s belly jolted under his touch, their offspring kicking once more. He marveled at how his attachment to their future child increased so greatly from this simple action for a while, his hand caressing Jay's abdomen fondly as he stared. When he finally remembered to look up at them, he was met by Jay's wide and warm smile as they watched him, amused and touched by his reverence. “....What?”

Jay chuckled, shaking their head with a tiny smile. “You're wonderful.”

Ford flushed at this, ducking his head meekly as he stammered in surprise. “...You’re creating new life _as we speak_ , and you have the nerve to call _me_ wonderful.”

Jay flushed right back, giggling to themselves as they pulled Ford nearer in their embrace. “ _Flatterer_.” They murmured against his cheek as he nuzzled their face.

Compliments spilled from his lips as he warmly embraced them, far more flowery, and more unrestrained than he'd ever let anyone outside the two of them know. Time slipped between them as they curled up on the couch around each other, Ford smiling fondly as his heart leapt each time he felt the tiny kick from within Jay, bouncing against his hip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So guess what, two drabbles for the price of _one_


	8. Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh, Here I am at Camp Granada

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *points at nb farmer tag*  
> that is all

“Ah, dear. Good afternoon. How are you fee- _Jay, you're so pale_.” Ford rushed to offer them a seat, immediately in concerned doctor mode. “ _ **Is something wrong?**_ ”

Jay shook their head, but took the seat Ford offered. “It's- it'll be okay. It's not pregnancy-related- well, tangentially I guess it is.” Jay let out a big sigh. “My parents know.”

Ford still checked their pulse and related vitals, frowning a little at their reply. “They… know? Did you speak with them?”

Jay shook their head. “No. Frank did. Dad called and he accidentally let it slip.” 

“Ah… I'm sure it wasn't intentional-”

“No. I _know that_. I'm not mad at him in the least. I just- ……” Jay trailed off with a frustrated sigh.

“...Would you rather we continue this upstairs?”

Jay sighed again. “......Yeah… Yeah I would.”

Ford smiled knowingly and helped them to their feet, escorting them to his upstairs sitting room, and taking a seat next to them once they were settled. “Where were we?”

Jay made a noise of frustration, leaning their head against his side. “I just… I'm not looking forward to what'll come of this ...The conversations… the visit.”

Ford remained silent, listening as his hand wrapped around their side in support.

““ _We had to learn it from Frank. It sounds like everyone in town knew before we did. But we're so proud of our **daughter**_.” is what she'll say” Jay mumbled, tensing up where they sat. 

Ford frowned deeply, but merely squeezed their hip in support. 

“Mom will talk about how she always knew I'd settle down and become a good _**wife**_ , later if she gets me alone she'll go on about me following her advice and landing me a well-to-do man to support me, because everything _I_ do doesn't count. And I will have no good way of saying I'm not against them being in our child's life, I just don't like them in _mine_.” Jay rambled. Frustration grew clear on their face, their hands shaking where they clutched at their legs.

Ford waited for them to grow silent, his hand caressing their side as soothingly as he could manage. “....I could tell them that you're under strict doctor's orders not to strain yourself, so you're not receiving visitors…”

Jay shook their head. “They'd see through it, or they'd catch me working the farm when you're at work. Just… Be there, for me.” Jay trailed off with a mumble, sheepishness settling in once they began to settle down.

“I thought that was part of my spousal duties.” Ford teased so very softly.

Jay flushed, color finally finding its way back to their cheeks, and rolled their eyes. “I _know_ , I mean- ...I’m going to try not to worry about it when they're _not_ here. But I can guarantee I'm not going to be in a happy mood when they are. All I need is a compassionate ear.”

“...I believe that's the least I can do dear, of course I will.”

“I… appreciate it…. A _lot_. I apologize in advance for the poor mood I'll be in during this.”

Ford moved to brush a kiss to their cheek. “I’m still learning some of the more subtle nuances of apologies... But I am _quite certain_ that is something you need not apologize for.”

Jay continued to flush, and hid their face in his chest. “...Quit being so sweet.”

Ford chuckled softly. “By doing the bare minimum? Hmmm, that sounds difficult.”

Jay rolled their eyes, the first smile they’d had that afternoon shyly peeking through. “ _You’re so terrible sometimes._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'do you really think you should be writing out your emotional baggage via your SoS farmer?'  
> me: /adding in parental issues 'what was that?'


	9. This one Wasn't Next in the Document but I Hate Having Multiple Downer Ones in a row

Jay smiled behind the book they were reading, their eyes never leaving the page. “Need something, peanut?”

Ford flinched where he stood, having awkwardly lurked over their shoulder for the past several minutes in silence, unsure how to proceed.

Jay set down their book to meet his eye when he continued to stand in silence, fidgeting where he stood. They smiled in sympathy, and beckoned him over. “You could whisper it if you like.”

Ford grew red at their suggestion, but followed their advice to their surprise, shyly leaning over and murmuring into their ear. “--- - --- -- ---- -- ---- ---...”

Jay continued to smile, nodding warmly at his request. “Of _course_ hon, come here.”

Ford looked extremely uncomfortable as he laid next to them on the couch, his head resting across their thighs, and now unsure as to what had spurred him on to request this. He had only just barely set his head down when he moved to get up again. An apology for disturbing them abruptly died on his tongue when Jay ran their fingers through his hair, massaging softly at his scalp before he could try to escape.

“Were you saying something Ford?” Jay murmured, their fingers playing with his hair.

Ford could do nothing but shake his head, a quiet groan escaping him as he settled against their lap. “Th- is this comfortable for you?” He stuttered.

Jay giggled, gently taking off his glasses and laying them on his chest. “Yes dear.”

The bashfulness and discomfort on his face gradually faded as Jay played with his hair, his eyes slowly drawing closed as he lost himself in the sensation. Their belly, still growing swollen with their child, pressed gently against his cheek, the warmth of their body seeping into him. A soft but satisfied sigh escaped him, oddly at ease in this position, open and vulnerable where he lay in their lap.

“ _Enjoying yourself?_ ” Jay teased after a while, a smirk on their face as they watched him.

His eyes finally fluttered open again, and he met Jay's bemused look with one of embarrassment. Ford swallowed, his adam's apple bobbing as he tried to stammer out a coherent reply. “ _Well_ , erm… it's important to socialize during… and touch is a good way of… and hormones released during pregnancy promote...” Ford blathered on like this for a while, before sheepishly mumbling “.. But, erm……. _yes_.” absently crossing his legs as he did.

Jay continued to smile down at him, though it may have taken a more predatory tone at his admission. “Oh, is that so? How about you get up here so I can get a better look.” Jay teased. 

“ _Ah!_ Dear!” Ford startled, flushing deeply from ear to ear.

“Is that a no?....”

Ford swallowed, his throat having gone dry. “...Not… necessarily… Just… that you shouldn't strain yourself.”

“Oh? Do you have some ideas about this?” Jay murmured.

“...I might have a few…” Ford whispered, crawling up from their lap to kiss them softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay  
> cuddles


	10. Stop Waking me up at Three AM to ask me if Pigeons Have Feelings

They were drowning. They were bound. They were being cut in two.

Jay woke with a start, short of breath. It took a few moments of half-asleep thrashing for Jay to figure out what was going on. They tried to carefully pry Ford's arms away from their chest where he clutched so forcefully, before resorting to violence.

Ford woke with a shout of pain, his hands quickly drawn back to his chest as he rubbed where he'd been pinched, still half-asleep.

“....Are you okay? You were being kinda weird in your sleep.”

Ford mumbled to himself quietly, lost in thought as he still rubbed his hand. “Y- Yes... it was just a silly nightmare.” He eventually murmured. “.......I didn't hurt _you_ did I?”

Jay rolled over to face him, shaking their head. “No, it's fine, just a little startled.” They moved to embrace him, warmly pressing against him. “Well... I'm here dear... it'll be okay...”

Ford was silent. He nodded when Jay squeezed him, a half smile on his face. “...I’m glad to hear that.”

* * *

Jay awoke again later, in the same situation as before. And as before, they pinched him awake again. “Ford.... What's wrong? You keep... grabbing me super hard in your sleep.”

“It's nothing-”

“Ford don't lie to me.”

Ford winced. “It's...... not relevant, you don't need to worry about me-”

“ _ **Bull**_.”

Ford flinched again, his fingers worrying at each other. “...I wouldn't, erm... wouldn't blame you if your feelings had changed.”

“...My feelings about what?”

Ford cleared his throat nervously. “...I know I haven't been the most attentive when it comes to your emotional needs... and I can't guarantee I'll be any better at it by your due date...”

Jay stared at him, worrying at their lip as they tried to translate his vague rambling. “Do… Do you think I want to leave you, Ford?” 

He flushed incredibly dark at this, his refusal to meet their eye all the confirmation they needed.

“Ford...” Jay murmured.

Ford continued to avoid their eye, an embarrassed scowl plastered across his face. “It's- I know I shouldn't...” He tried to mumble, the lump in his throat making it incredibly hard to utter even a single word.

Jay paused, a worried look in their eye as they reached to cup his cheeks, a shy smile their reply when his eyes finally flicked up to meet theirs. “...I can confidently say I have no current inclination to leave you. And I'm pretty damn confident that's not going to change anytime soon.”

Ford let out a shaky sigh, his eyes closing as he nuzzled into their hands. “...I- um, I know it's...” Ford trailed off with a mumble. 

They leaned forward to kiss his forehead. “It's okay. There's a lot to worry about when you have a kid, I understand.”

Ford chuckled awkwardly as he looked down at himself. “This feels backwards...”

“Oh? You're saying I should be the emotional one right now?” Jay teased.

“Erm.... What I mean to say is, uh.”

Jay giggled at his panicked expression, their hands clasping his. “Or is it... it's more usual that _I'd_ be the one worried about losing _you_?”

Ford frowned, a stern expression instantly replacing his embarrassed look. “ **Impossible**.”

“I dunno. I'm just so much more _emotional_ than usual. And I must look so unattractive right now.” Jay whispered, a smirk tugging at the corners of their mouth.

Ford's frown deepened. “I love you for how you _are_. Any heightened emotions, or changes are just a part of the pregnancy, and have no bearing on my feelings towards you. And of course I still find- erm... find your body... arousing.” Ford cleared his throat. “Ah.... Dear...... what- what exactly does this look mean?”

Jay smiled warmly at him and shook their head. “Nothing… it's just pretty much the same thing I was gonna say to _you_... except maybe minus the part about still finding you hot while you're pregnant.” 

Ford's cheeks grew pink, and he went to adjust his glasses how he normally did when bashful, before remembering he wasn't wearing any, and instead opted to rub his cheek with a sheepish smile. “I, erm... appreciate it. I'm sorry for not telling you earlier. I... didn't want you to misunderstand and think I was, um, having second thoughts.”

“It's.... It's a lot, I get it. And I can't always predict what will worry you, you always seem to be looking a few dozen steps further down the line than I can. But… I'm always willing to talk it out with you, if you'd like.”

Ford sighed, oddly feeling like a load had been taken off his shoulders at this. “...Thank you jelly.”

Jay smiled and nuzzled up to Ford once again, letting him work out how he'd like to wrap around them. “....Also I didn't mean to imply I wouldn't be attracted to you if you were pregnant. I'm sure you'd still be just as sexy.”

Ford spluttered, and tried to cover it up with a cough. Oddly his face grew several times darker with blush, as he tried not to stammer. “...I- ah... am glad to hear that.” Ford eventually managed to mumble as he shifted awkwardly.

Jay's eyes twinkled with mischief as they made a mental note to file his response for later, and they nuzzled into his chest. “Goodnight peanut.”

“Goodnight jelly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _god_ this one is dopey


	11. I Promise the kid Shows up in the Parts After This

“D-... _Dear, are you okay?_ Was it something I said?” 

Ford was panicking, he'd barely said a thing to them but they looked to be on the verge of tears.

They vehemently shook their head, wiping at their watery eyes. “ _No_. No. It's- You're the one person who doesn't have to ask first. It- …...it’s been a bit of a long day.”

Ford frowned so very deeply, grabbing a tissue and helping dab at their eyes. “You mean others haven't?” 

Jay nodded. “I mean Noel and Colin, I can understand, they're young and excited, and I told them to please ask next time. But oh my _god_ , _people I've barely spoken to_ did it. _At least four!_ I don't even remember what their names are.”

Ford continued to frown, but nodded in understanding. “That's… very unfortunate, I'm sorry you had to go through that dear. ...Would you like to have dinner? We could pick up something from the restaurant and bring it back.”

“Sure. I don't think I feel up to eating in public tonight...”

* * *

“Well hey there Jay! How ya been? I can see the little future tyke is still plugging right along-” The townsperson paused, hand hovering an inch away from Jay's pregnant abdomen. 

Ford was staring daggers at them, a terrifying sight that few residents experienced firsthand. He stared at them, his eye pointedly glancing down at their hand.

They followed his eye, laughing nervously as they sheepishly withdrew their hand. “Hah, sorry, got ahead of myself. Well I should gooo… things to do. But it was good seeing you two.” 

Jay watched as they made a not at all suspiciously fast retreat, sighing to themself. “ _Ford_.”

“...Yes dear?”

“If you keep scaring them like this I'm not gonna get any practice telling them not to myself.”

Ford was quiet. If you didn't know him, and didn't know better, you might think you saw the slightest hint of a pout on his face.

“...People are gonna think you're abusing me. That you're being controlling.” Jay whispered, a bittersweet smile on their face as they took his hand.

He grimaced, his cheeks growing red. “...I’m sorry… for putting you in such an awkward position.”

Jay shook their head, squeezing his hand fondly. “It _is_ kinda cute. _My big strong husband just wants to be protective_.”

Ford flushed deeper at their teasing, a sheepish smile replacing his frown as he met their eye. “ _Stop_.” 

“You kinda deserve it.” Said Jay, mirth twinkling in their eyes.

Ford sighed and rolled his eyes. “I suppose this is true.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendly Reminder: please _ask_ before touching a pregnant person's belly  
> this is not exaggeration


	12. Oh my God it Took me Twelve Chapters to Actually Have the kid

Jay chuckled softly to themself as they regarded their husband.

Ford sighed quietly, very careful not to disturb the sleeping infant in his arms. “What is it?” He whispered.

“I think I worked out why you never have any facial hair.” They replied. They quietly bit their lip to stifle another small giggle as they regarded the light stubble that graced his normally closely shaven jawline. It grew so very patchy and uneven, parts were still smooth skin, while other spots were speckled with light, coarse hairs, creating a patchwork appearance to his lower face.

He sighed tiredly again, the exhaustion of the past couple days peeking through. “I know, I know. I must look like a mess. I'm sorry dear.”

Jay shook their head, moving to stand behind him, combing their fingers through his hair fondly. “Mmm, I kinda like it. You've got that ‘tired new dad’ scruffy look goin on.” They leaned over to nuzzle his cheek. “It's kinda sexy.”

Ford rolled his eyes but allowed himself to get lost in the sensation, closing his eyes but for a moment. He gulped, his cheeks growing pink as they nuzzled them. “You don't- ...ah, have to lie to make me feel better…” He mumbled. 

Jay pouted playfully down at him. “It's true though. Fatherhood looks _good_ on you.” They played with his hair again. “But… if you'd rather tidy up… I can take Marnie for a few hours so you can take an actual bath and have a shave.”

“It's… you don't have to do that.” Ford mumbled.

Jay walked around to face him, making ‘gimmie’ motions with their hands. “My baby too Ford. You've hogged her plenty, I can handle her on my own for a few hours.”

Ford thought about it, and eventually nodded, allowing the farmer to take Marnie from his arms and switching spots with him in the chair. Ford paused, mouthing ‘thank you’ at Jay before immediately heading to the washroom, anxious to wash the imagined grime he'd built up but ignored while concentrating on Marnie, off.

Jay giggled softly as they heard the door shut behind him, gently stroking their newborn as she settled against their chest. “Ohhh Marnie.” They murmured. “What on earth are we gonna do with him?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'ugh this is so OOC, Ford isn't washing his hands every 30 seconds'


	13. What did I put in my Coffee this Time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt bad I didn't upload on time this week n also it was such a short one so I decided to splurge and upload _two_ this time  
> y'all spoiled now

Ford was cleaning up around the farmhouse when he heard it.

“She's so _small_.”

“Of course she is nimwit, she's a _baby_.”

“I know that! But… she's _so small_.”

“ _We just went over this!_ ”

“ _Shhhhh,_ volume guys.”

Ford recognized the last voice as that of the farmer, but the other two were unfamiliar to him, and he had to strain to make out their words. His curiosity piqued, Ford crept to the window and peeked out. He saw Jay, still sitting on the steps, cradling their sleeping newborn in their arms. But on either side, he saw two figures he'd never seen before. 

Well, “saw” is a loose description. Ford could make out two hazy shapes, one on either side of Jay. One in green and white, the other black and gold. The more he tried to make out who they were, the less focused they became. He wiped at the glass but his view remained blurred. He even took off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes, but still they remained out of focus. Ford strained to listen when they started speaking again.

“Ah, look! She yawned.” Said the green haze.

“Big whoop, when will she be able to talk?” Asked the black haze.

Jay giggled, cuddling the sleeping Marnie to their chest. “Sorry Wit’ it's gonna be a while.”

“Well that's _boring,_ when will she be old enough to be a good minion?”

The farmer snorted. “ _ **Longer**_. Years at the very least.”

“Awwww.”

“ _Witchie_ _no_. But this is so exciting Jay! Aren't you excited?”

Jay sighed, looking at the sleeping baby, currently drooling against their shoulder. “ _Yeah, I am_.” Jay murmured, every word oozing with fondness. “I better take her back inside before peanut gets worried and says she needs more sunscreen again.” They said after a few minutes.

“ _Why_ do you call him that?” Said the black haze.

“Old inside joke, don't worry about it.” Said Jay. “I'll see you guys later, okay? And tell Inari I said hi.”

Ford jolted, scrambling to make himself look busy when he realized they were coming back in.

“Oh! Sweetheart. I didn't realize you were done tidying already.” Said Jay, closing the door behind them.

“Ah… yes- _well_ … actually I decided to take a quick break.” Ford said, scrambling to make a good excuse.

“Mhmm.” Murmured Jay, taking the upside-down book from his hands and replacing it with their infant. “Sure thing peanut.” 

He chuckled quietly in embarrassment at having been caught. “So, uh… Who were those two?”

Jay froze mid-step. “...You could see them?”

“Erm…” Ford mumbled. “They were a bit… “fuzzy” oddly enough, and a little hard to hear, but yes.”

Jay paused, looking down at the floor for a straight minute. “Okay. I literally don't know how to explain this without sounding... a little unstable.”

Ford blinked in confusion, laying the sleepy Marnie against his chest. “Well, ah, just try... for me.” He mumbled.

“...Okay.” Jay steeled themself as they sat down beside him. “That was Dessie and Witchie. They're, uh, local deities from two of the nearby towns. Normally I'm really the only one I know of that's... seen them.”

Ford sat quietly, taking it in.

“...Ford?”

He nodded, still silent.

Jay sighed and scooted over to play with their child, cooing when they grabbed their finger in their tiny hand, and started to drift to sleep.

“I'm… not sure how to… explain it _rationally…_ but… I _trust you_ jelly. I believe you.” Ford finally muttered.

Jay startled when he spoke, but smiled softly to themself. “...Thanks Ford.”

“....I don't quite understand why you were so worried about telling me this, however…”

“Because, uh… well, you know how folklore states that they're magical? S-sometimes I help them out with… that part...”

Ford kneaded at the bridge of his nose with his free hand. “Okay, how about we save that conversation for another time.” Ford murmured.

Jay chuckled, quietly. “Got it, dear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	14. There's Another Saucier Drabble But it's Like 20 Scenes Down in the Document After this

Ford accidentally let out a snore as he sat on the couch, his head snapping up as he startled himself out of sleep by it. 

“Hey there sleepyhead.” Jay teased, offering him their hand as they helped him to bed. 

“I'm sorry dear… I know we planned-” His apology was interrupted by a yawn, long and wide enough to make his jaw ache afterwards. “That we planned to… but… I'm feeling a bit, erm, exhausted…”

Jay rolled their eyes with a smile, bringing him his pajamas so he could get ready for bed. “I can see that dear. It's alright, it's been a long day, I'm a little tired too.”

Ford muttered to himself in annoyance, still upset with himself and his exhaustion. His fingers slipped as he tried to button his top and he swore quietly under his breath in frustration, another yawn interrupting him.

Jay merely rolled their eyes, moving to help button his top. “It sounds like you're the one really upset about tonight…” Jay whispered, their hand tangling in his hair as they guided him down to their bed.

Ford grew red, meekly hiding his mouth behind his hand as he was wont to do when shy. “Well, erm. That is, ah…”

Jay gently moved his hand away, brushing their lips against his. “ _Tell me what you want_.”

Ford's throat went dry, and he whispered, nearly too quiet to hear. “.........”

Jay smiled, and kissed him again as they whispered against his lips “I can do that.”

Ford swallowed nervously as he met their eye. “Ah… you don't have to.. I don't, erm. I won't be able… to…” He trailed off, Jay having cupped his cheek with an affectionate giggle as he made up excuses.

“I don't mind.” Jay murmured “I just want to… help you _relax…_ ” Their hands moved down his body, a grin plastered across their face. “Besides… if it would make you feel better, you could always just owe me one…” They teased, their fingers sliding under his waistband. 

* * *

Ford let out a reedy whine, far more pathetic than he'd ever intend, when he hears it some time later.

Marnie’s crying creeped into the room, through the doorway and wall from the nursery where she lay in her crib.

Jay moved to get up from bed, squeezing Ford's thigh fondly as they do. “Just hold onto that thought, I'll be right back. I _swear_.”

“ _Please hurry_.” He rasped out before he could stop himself, looking away in embarrassment.

Jay shivered faintly at his request, staring intently down at him as they stood. “I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk!!!!! sleepy Ford is fun to think about!!!!!  
> also Jay ended up twice as dominant than normal in this one and I have no idea how that happened I swear


	15. Oh Look, It's Time for More Sleepy Ford

Jay smiled warmly at the sight before them. They had both welcomed Marnie into their lives a few months ago. Despite Ford’s studying up on parenting and pediatrics, it had been a learning experience for them _both_. Despite their best efforts, Marnie kept them both up a few nights a week with colic, her cries waking them up in the wee hours.

Ford had volunteered that time, offering since Jay had gotten up many more times than him so far that week. Jay hadn't noticed he didn't make it back to bed until they got up to use the restroom a few hours later. On the way back to bed they'd found him, baby in hand, asleep in the armchair.

His fatigue shone through in how he'd fallen asleep. His glasses were askew on his face, barely still perched on his nose. His head was thrown back to an angle that was sure to be regretted in the morning, snoring with a little dribble of drool slipping down his very slightly scruffy jaw. In his arms lay Marnie, nuzzled to his chest, sleeping like the angel they still considered her to be, _also_ drooling.

Jay watched the sight fondly for a few minutes, before gently taking Marnie from Ford's arms, and laying her to sleep in her crib. Next, they tried to wake Ford as gently as they could. When that failed, they shrugged, and simply picked him up and tucked him into bed themselves, Ford staying asleep the whole time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's short but its all ur getting this week because I'll run outta drabbles if I upload them two at a time every week


	16. Needs More Cowbell

Jay didn't _intend_ to leave him to deal with their wailing child on his own, it was just… happenstance. They realized with everything else going on, they had forgotten to water some of their crops in the south fields, and ran out to take care of this before it got dark. The door had barely closed behind them when Marnie began to fuss, quiet whimpers and other fussy sounds escaping her as she fidgeted in her crib.

“Nono _no_ Marnie. Wren will be back soon dear.” Ford murmured. Panic welled up in his chest. Jay was always the one to calm her down these first few weeks. Ford's usual methods of reason and logic to calm down were ineffective when it came to children and small infants for some reason.

Marnie was undeterred, and soon began to cry.

“Shhh nonono, it's okay.” Ford quietly pleaded, his ears already beginning to ring. But despite his pleading, Marnie still cried, her small mouth capable of incredibly loud and piercing cries. Gingerly he took her out of her crib. “It's okay. It's okay.” He continued to murmur, bouncing her gently against his shoulder. “Wren will be back before you know it, they just needed to do one last chore.” Desperately he wracked his brain for anything he could do to calm her down.

* * *

Jay sighed as they walked up the steps. They _probably_ hadn't needed to rush off like they did, but leaving anything for later made them extremely apt to forget about it entirely, which was a habit they'd prefer not to have. They opened the door, a sheepish apology on the tip of their tongue when they stopped. They heard humming. Quiet as a mouse they crept into the house, following the sound, and they could not keep a smile from spreading across their face when they saw it. 

Ford swayed softly as he rocked their daughter, humming quietly to her. “Dah dah _daaah_ , dah dah dah _dahdah_.”

Marnie yawned, nuzzling her face against his chest as he hummed.

Jay couldn't help but let out a tiny giggle, and Ford's eyes flicked up to meet theirs, his cheeks growing pink as he continued to hum and soothe their daughter. “Dah dah dah _dah_ dah, dah dah _daaaaaah_.” He quietly murmured, growing silent as Marnie went to sleep in his arms, hiding her face against his chest with a quiet sniffle.

Jay watched in silence as Ford hummed their daughter back to sleep, setting her oh-so gently back into her crib and tucking her in, waiting until the door was shut behind them to speak. “Well now I'm jealous, you never sing to _me_.” They teased, playing with his collar.

Ford snorted quietly, brushing their hair away from their face before kissing the bridge of their nose. “You never asked me to.”

Jay crinkled their nose but still smiled up at him, slowly wrapping their arms around him. “That's fair. That was an interesting choice of lullaby though.”

Ford grimaced in embarrassment, not meeting their eye. “It was the only song I could think of in the moment…” he eventually murmured. He stood, braced for critique, or laughter, and when Jay remained silent his nervousness grew. He glanced down at them and was met by Jay's loving stare, looking up at him so very fondly. “Uh…” he mumbled.

“You're adorable. I love you.” Jay whispered, squeezing him fondly.

“...I am _certain_ that title belongs to you..” He mumbled, squeezing them back.

“More than one person can have the title, it's shared. _No you can't argue this_.” Jay playfully whispered.

Ford chuckled. “No. I suppose I can't.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for the none of you that are curious  
> its the star trek tos theme because my parents didn't really have a social life when we were kids


	17. It's Cute Until they Learn how to Swear

“And here we have a prestigious doctor-scientist, crying over the babbling of a small infant.” 

“ _Dear_.”

Each day was a new development, the new parents had discovered. It felt like it was just yesterday they had found out the recent addition to their family was _very_ interested in the chickens, and would in fact crawl immediately to the stairs towards them. Even though it was more accurately only a week ago. _This_ day’s discovery was that Marnie had reached the stage of making noises beyond cries and whimpers.

Jay smiled playfully at Ford as he held their small child. Marnie continued to babble mostly nonsense, with what could be interpreted as ‘dada’ every now and then. Ford continued to pretend he _wasn't_ tearing up at this development.

“She's talking to youuu, she's saying ‘ _dada_ ’.”

“...She's just saying gibberish, learning how to use her vocal cords.” Ford mumbled, not taking his eyes off their small daughter.

The farmer giggled. “...Just enjoy the moment dear.” Said Jay, smiling and dabbing at Ford's wet eyes with a handkerchief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> farmer: /lovingly roasts Ford for being a softy


	18. Oh my god you guys Wayne Finally Showed up

Marnie wailed loudly, tears welling up in her eyes as she cried.

“Sorry Wayne! I don't know what gets into her some days.” Said the farmer, half-shouting to be heard over their daughter's crying as they rocked her in their arms. 

“What _exactly_ is going on up here?” Called Ford from the stairs, walking up to see what the racket was about.

“I'm sorry peanut. I think she got scared of Wayne.”

Ford rolled his eyes and gently took the wailing infant from Jay's arms. “Oh that's ridiculous, there is nothing to be upset over. See? You're already calming down. It's okay Marnie.” Ford spoke to their daughter in a low and soft tone, the calmness of his voice causing her to quiet down almost immediately as he held her.

Marnie’s cries had tapered down to quiet hiccups when Jay shook their head, smiling fondly as they watched him. “...You’re a natural, Ford.”

He cooed quietly at Marnie, a small smile on his face as their daughter settled down in his arms. “...You’re exaggerating again.”

“Okay. Then she's daddy's little girl.” Teased Jay, smiling up at their husband. 

“They've got a point there Ford. Your girl's taken a real shine to _you_ in particular.” Said Wayne, shaking his head at the domestic display before him.

“ _Please_ , you're both speculating again.” Ford replied, gently rocking Marnie in his arms.

“Whatever you say dear.” Jay giggled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these were both such short ones I didn't have a good reason not to just post both at once


	19. I'm baby?

Ford sighed to himself as he settled down on the couch with some light reading. He’d volunteered to watch Marnie for the afternoon, and while she still had issues walking on her own, she certainly had no issues trying to crawl wherever her heart desired. But, for the moment, she seemed to be content to lie on the blanket on the floor nearby, babbling quietly to herself as she gummed on her toys.

Right as Ford began to find himself lost in his thoughts, he was startled out of it by a moist plastic toy being smacked against his foot. He set down his book and peered down at his daughter, babbling at his feet.

Marnie grinned widely up at him, still hitting him with the toy. “Put! Put! Put!” She babbled insistently.

“Okay, alright. Up you come.” 

Marnie giggled, wiggling in his grasp as Ford leaned down and set her in his lap. “Bbrbda pbbblt.” She mumbled as she grabbed at him.

“...Yes? Do you need something?” Ford asked.

“Bbbldldldlaaa.” Marnie babbled, grabbing and tugging at his shirt insistantly.

Ford sighed. “I’m sorry sweetheart, I don’t-”

“Brrrdaaaaa!” Marnie insisted, tugging more pointedly at his shirt.

Ford fell silent at that for a few moments, staring at her in quiet confusion, before it hit him. He chuckled softly when he figured it out, carefully taking her up in his arms and standing up. “Alright, alright dear. How do you feel about apple and oatmeal?”

Marnie giggled happily, smacking the table in front of her when Ford set her down in her highchair, bouncing in excitement.

“I’ll take that as approval.” Ford smiled to himself as he brought out their food, pulling out a chair so he could take a seat in front of them. “Aaaahh….” Ford mumbled to himself, making faces to encourage Marnie to open wide.

Marnie giggled happily as Ford fed her, babbling every now and then, causing some to dribble down her chin as she smiled.

“I’m glad to hear you like it but _please_ don’t talk with your mouth full.” Said Ford, smiling warmly as he cleaned up her chin.

Marnie, quite obviously, did not follow his advice. She continued to babble, both to him and to herself, occasionally smacking at the tray table as she flailed in excitement.

Ford shook his head as he tried to maneuver the spoon around her flailing. “Marnie, dear, it's very hard to feed you when you keep waving your hands.” He tried to chastise her, but his heart wasn't in it. “Come on Marnie… _aaaaaaah_.” Said Ford.

Marnie smiled and opened wide for her food. As soon as the food was in her mouth, however, she giggled and blew a raspberry.

Ford let out a deep, long-suffering sigh as he grabbed a nearby papertowel, and cleaned the spat out food from his face and glasses. “Does this mean you're done eating now?” Ford asked, more to himself than anything else.

As if in reply, Marnie started babbling again, reaching for the mash and spoon.

“Hmmm.” Ford considered it for a moment, before shrugging absently, and giving in, digging out the small infant spoon for her, and setting the small container in front of her. He watched her carefully as she slowly and haphazardly scooped food with her spoon, mostly making it into her face. Satisfied with this moment of self-sufficiency, Ford got up to clean off the spat up food more thoroughly, and perhaps take care of some dishes from earlier. 

A loud giggle, and clattering noise caught Ford's attention while in the middle of scrubbing an old pot, and he turned to see what had happened.

Marnie shrieked and giggled as she slapped the tabletop, mashed apples and oatmeal spilled all over it, and splattering onto the floor and dining table with every slap. When she wasn't slapping, she was giggling and smearing the food on her head, smiling widely up at her father when he walked up.

“Marnie……” Ford sighed, gingerly picking her up out of her seat. “I hope you know you need a bath now sweetie.”

Marnie giggled in response, wiggling in his arms as she grinned widely.

“Oh I need my camera for this.” Said Jay. 

Ford jolted ever so slightly, but turned around to face them with a sheepish smile. “Ah, dear. Don't worry, I'll take care of it…” 

Jay giggled. “I'm done with farmwork for now, are you sure you don't want me to help?”

Ford smiled warmly down at them. “I… think I have the hang of it…”

“...Okay… lemme just do one thing first, please.” Jay said, smiling the entire time as they snapped a quick picture. “I needed to record this, sorry.”

Ford blushed, juggling their daughter in his arms as he played with his glasses sheepishly. “If… you must…”

Jay stared fondly at him for a few moments longer, before sighing just as fondly, and reaching up to brush some food out of his hair. “You sure you don't want some help?”

Ford slouched a little in embarrassment. “.....Well……… if you're going to be so insistent.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...............I realized afterwards that I might not've made one thing clear. Ford knew she was asking for food because he realized she was indicating breast feeding with her tugging, but I didn't really explain that good because I am le bad writer.


	20. W A S T E D

“ _Ford. Ford, look!_ ” Jay hissed, waving him over.

“Yes, _yes_ , what is it dear?” Ford asked, glancing up from his book with a raised brow.

“ _Marnie’s trying to walk on her own_.”

Ford all but leapt over to be at their side, his book forgotten, eager to see.

Their daughter babbled quietly to herself, grabbing at the sofa with her sticky fingers for leverage. It was a slow, and unsure progress, teetering on the verge of standing up before grabbing at the seat again, Jay and Ford quietly cheering her on the whole way. Before their eyes they watched as she lurched uncertainly, nearly falling over several times as she took one step. Then another. And another. And then Marnie fell, her pudgy arms flailing as she tumbled face first.

Jay was already reaching to scoop Marnie into their arms as she sniffled, working up to a good cry. “Shhhhh. It's okay Marnie. It was just a little spill sweetie.” Jay cooed, gently bouncing her.

“Let me look at her face. I need to look at her.” Ford pestered, anxious to check on her too. 

Jay rolled their eyes but still passed her into Ford's eager arms.

“Shhshhshhhhh. It's okay Marnie. Let me just take a quick look.”

Their daughter whimpered and sniffled, still startled by her spill, and still wanting to cry.

“It's perfectly fine sweetie. Nose appears to just be a little bit sore. No teeth appear to be chipped. And the jaw looks just fine.” Ford murmured, rocking Marnie gently in his arms.

She sniffled a few minutes longer, hiccuping quietly as she settled down. But soon enough she had forgotten she was about cry in the first place, grabbing awkwardly at her father's shirt.

“Nono _no_ Marnie. N- _Marnie, no_.” Ford tried to admonish, then plead with her as she grabbed and gummed at the buttons on his shirt.

Jay sniggered as they stepped in to assist, gently prying Marnie’s mouth off Ford's shirt as they took her from his arms. “This is what you get for wearing buttonups.” Jay teased, grabbing Marnie’s favorite chew toy for her instead.

Ford glowered, already unbuttoning to replace his shirt with a clean one. 

“Oh my, should I put Marnie down for a nap?” Jay teased, but still slyly ogling him as he changed.

Ford grumbled quietly, his ears still going pink despite this. “Only if she's cranky and tired.”

As if on cue, Marnie yawned widely, nuzzling her face into Jay's chest, still gumming on the toy. 

Jay waggled their eyebrows suggestively at Ford with a wink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'J, it's normally called a teething toy-'  
> fuk u I do what I want


	21. Local Doctor Insists Parenting Isn't that Hard, What Happens Next Will Surprise you

“I’m beginning to think we’re getting the hang of parenting, dear.” Said Ford, bouncing their small daughter on his knee as Jay cooked.

“Oh? Is that so? Well that’s good to hear.” Jay murmured back, focusing more on the simmering pot than Ford.

“It is. She sleeps through the night more often than not. I can barely remember the last time we had to get up in the middle of the night to attend to her. She’s also been much less fussy as of late. She’s hardly cried at all. _And_ she hasn’t gotten into anything she shouldn’t in a week, not since she got into the bookshelf.”

“Mmmhmm.” Replied Jay, taking the pot off the heat for now. “I’m glad we’re starting to get the hang of it Ford.” They stepped over to where Ford sat, taking the pen, left over from Ford’s earlier work, from Marnie who was gumming on the end after she’d grabbed it while he was distracted, setting it back on the table before gently taking her from Ford’s lap.

Ford grumbled loudly to himself as he saw the ink splotches that now littered the kitchen floor and his pants. “....Mostly, I suppose.” He finally amended.

“I’ll clean the floor and see what I can do about your pants if you bathe Marnie.”

“...Deal.” Ford replied, taking Marnie back as he stood to get changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao get recked nerd


	22. I Don't Have a Funny Title for this One

“I seem to have misplaced our daughter,” Ford said theatrically, subtly bringing a finger to his lips as he spoke to Jay.  
Marnie giggled from her spot, clinging quite tightly to Ford's leg.  
“How on earth do you lose an entire daughter?” Jay replied, just as over-the-top.  
“One moment she was here and the next… poof!” He sighed. “What are we supposed to do?” He said.  
“Have you checked the bathtub?”  
Ford tilted his head curiously. “....Why would I be checking there?” He whispered.  
“Well, when I’m looking for something, its normally in the last place I look,” Jay whispered back.  
He gave them a withering look, before resuming his theatrics. “N- Nnno, she’s not there, dear.”  
Marnie squealed quietly as Ford took a few lurching steps, clinging still to his leg as he pretended to pace nervously.  
“Well I suppose if she doesn't show up we'll have to start the paperwork to get a replacement.” Jay shook their head. “It's a shame, I got so attached to this one too.”  
“So did I dear. But at least we can see what new features the updated model has.”  
“Noooooo! Don't replace me! I'm here! I'm here!” Marnie squealed excitedly, still clinging to Ford's leg.  
“Ah!- There she is!” Said Ford.  
“Told you she'd be in the last place you look,” Jay teased as they crouched down and picked Marnie up.  
Ford rolled his eyes, but smiled warmly to himself as he watched them gently toss Marnie and catch her in the air, Marnie giggling wildly the whole time.


	23. Vaccinate Your Fucking Kids

“ _ **No!**_ ” Marnie yelled, hiding her face against Jay as she clutched them in an ironclad grip.

“Marnie….” Jay murmured, trying to coax her out of her hiding spot.

“ _ **No!**_ ”

“...It’s alright dear, this was inevitable,” Ford murmured. He tried to remain impassive but his face still gave away how he felt like he was on the verge of crying.

Jay frowned at his response and went back to trying to soothe Marnie. “Sweetie-”

“ _ **No!** Dad hurt me! **I hate him!**_ ” 

Ford felt a fierce pain in his chest, as if someone punctured his chest and crumpled his heart into a mangled ball. His heart sank as he watched Marnie for a few minutes longer, still refusing to look anywhere near his direction. “I’ll leave you two alone,” he eventually mumbled, suddenly unable to speak around the way his throat tightened with grief.

Jay continued to frown after him as he left the room, their hand rubbing their daughter’s back distractedly. “....Marnie… you don’t _really_ -”

Marnie shook her head emphatically, her face still buried in Jay’s chest. “.....Hurts…”

Jay chuckled quietly. “Sweetheart… It’s the only way to protect you against _worse_ things in life… it’s- ...it’s a little bit of pain in the moment to spare you much more pain later on.”

Marnie pulled back to give Jay an incredulous look.

“It’s true. You’re now innoculated against several diseases, to keep you from getting sick. And, because you won’t get them, it means you won’t give them to other people you meet.”

Marnie remained silent, rubbing where she'd gotten her shot as she remained pouting. “...Daddy still hurt me…”

“.....Does it really still hurt that badly?” Jay asked, genuinely curious.

“......No.” Marnie finally admitted. “But it hurts…”

Jay smiled and gently brushed a kiss to her forehead. “It will pass. You shouldn’t have said that to your dad though…..”

She frowned again, crossing her arms as she resumed pouting.

“.....I won’t make you apologize if you don’t want to, but he didn’t even want to give you the shots,” Jay murmured, 

Marnie peered up at her wren, a doubtful look on her face.

“It’s true. You cried a lot when we gave you your shots when you were younger. Your dad didn’t even want to give you another shot ever again, even though its for your own good, he was so against hurting you.”

Marnie sat in silence, rubbing her arm again as she thought on it.

“...If you really want to blame someone, blame me. I’m the one that made dad give you your shots.”

Marnie frowned as she thought it over. “I _guess_ I could forgive you… for a cookie.”

“This feels dangerously close to blackmail,” Jay teased, nuzzling Marnie’s forehead with a giggle.

* * *

Ford startled at the sudden hug given to his leg, and looked incredulously down at their daughter.

“...I know you didn't mean it…. I forgive you daddy,” she mumbled.

Ford cleared his throat, trying desperately to keep his voice from cracking as he flushed incredibly deeply, turning back towards his experiment. “...That is a relief to hear. Thank you sweetie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unless they can't because of a medical issue  
> in which case _make your friends vaccinate their fucking kids_


	24. We Were Just Wrestling

“...I can't wait, _mmm_ , any longer dear. I _ache_ for you,” Ford muttered, pulling Jay close against himself with a hum.

“Mmmm _what happened to my patient husband?_ ” Jay teased, their hands wrinkling his shirt as they clutched at his back.

The door opened behind them as they were distracted by one another, their young daughter walking in. “Wreeen are you-?” Marnie started to ask before she fell silent, confusion plain as day on her face. “Dad… why aren't you wearing pants?”

It was as if the room froze in time for them both, Ford having to resist the urge to fidget nervously in his boxers as he looked over his shoulder at her. “I, er….. just felt a little too warm is all,” he stuttered.

Marnie squinted, not believing him for a moment as she looked to Jay for verification.

Jay sighed and rolled their eyes. “We were going to have sex,” they explained.

“Oh,” said Marnie.

Ford felt as if his heart had fully stopped at this point. Mortification burned unbelievably hot in his belly as he remained frozen in place.

“Did you need to ask me something?” Asked Jay.

“Oh! Um… can I have a cookie… _Pleaaaaaase?_ ”

“You can have **one**. _And make sure to brush after you do!_ ” 

Marnie nodded, not really paying attention once she got permission, already closing the door behind her again.

As soon as the latch clicked Ford let out a sigh he hadn't realized he'd been holding, grumbling to himself as Jay rubbed at his arm.

“You alright?”

He glowered at them before deflating in their arms. “ _That was horrifying_ ,” he muttered.

“It wasn't as bad as it could have been.” Jay tried to soothe, nuzzling a soft kiss to his collarbone.

Ford grumbled under his breath, hiding his flushed face behind his hands.

“...Whatever happened to ‘we’ll just be honest and open about it’?” Jay asked quietly, gently playing with his hair.

Ford continued to grumble and hide his face. “......I…… panicked….” Ford eventually muttered.

“That's okay dear. It happens.”

“ _No, it’s not_ ,” he hissed, removing his hands from his face with a grimace. “I said I was going to be honest if we were walked in on and I _couldn’t_ _be_ , _**what’s wrong with me?**_....”

Jay sighed and made him sit on the bed, taking a seat next to him. “......Nothing? ...Because the social pressure and the expectations to lie and shield kids from the reality that their parents have sex is very strong?” They murmured, leaning against him with a sigh.

Ford grumbled quietly under his breath for another minute. “...And where did you learn to talk like that again?”

Jay rolled their eyes, gently tugging him back onto the bed and rolling ontop of him. “I _told_ you, college, I speak words good _sometimes_ ,” they teased.

Ford chuckled sheepishly, his hands coming to rest on their back. “Ah, yes, that’s right.”

“Easy to forget about it under all the dirt and sweat, huh?” Jay continued to tease.

Ford cleared his throat sheepishly. “ **Well** \- erm… that is to say…. Perhaps…. A little.”

“I _suppose_ I can find it in my heart to forgive you. This time.” They leaned over to steal a kiss.

Ford hummed into it, grabbing them absently. “ _Thank_ _you for being so considerate_.” He whispered.

“ _Anytime_ ,” whispered Jay, stealing another kiss.

Ford smiled warmly into it. “... _Where were we?_ ” He murmured against their lips.

“I believe we were about to lock the door,” Jay teased with a wink.

“A- ah… Yes. Good idea dear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey look its that other kinda nsfw chapter I teased ages ago


	25. I've Been Waiting to Post this one for Months

“Wren! Dad!” Marnie shouted, barreling into the house with reckless abandon. “I think my mouth is broken!”

Jay startled at their daughter's sudden and loud entrance, but immediately turned back to the stove, paying more attention to the food they were cooking, than to her outburst. “Oh? How so, Marnie?”

“I was outside and my tooth’s been real wiggly, but I didn't say anything because I didn't wanna be in trouble, and then I wiggled it more and it kinda hurt but I kept doing it and then it came out and it's _bleeding!_ ”

Jay bit back a small smile, still not looking up from the stove. “That's why you need to keep on top of brushing and flossing dear.”

Ford cleared his throat, having been watching and initially quietly panicking at her outburst from where he sat at the table. “ _Dear_ …” He admonished his spouse before turning to address his daughter. “Marnie it is perfectly normal, it is just a larger, adult tooth pushing out your infant tooth. Here, let's get you cleaned up and get something to staunch the bleeding.”

“You mean I'm _not_ dying?” Marnie asked him as she was led to the bathroom, not noticing Jay trying _very hard_ not to laugh.

Ford smiled warmly down at her. “No dear, you're not _dying_ , you're just growing up. Here, sit right here on the bathtub for a minute and _gently_ hold this to where your tooth was. I just need to talk with wren for a moment.” Ford trailed off to a near mumble as he spoke, a distracted look in his eye as he handed the folded papertowel to his daughter.

“Okay daddy.”

Ford smiled faintly as he walked up to Jay from behind, his hand coming to rest on their hip as he stepped next to them. “Erm… I just realized we never actually discussed what our plans were regarding the tooth fairy….”

Jay hummed in contemplation. “You're right, we didn't. What would you like to do?”

Ford sighed, glancing towards the hallway absently. “I'm… not sure. That's why I wanted to ask you.”

“Well there's three options here. One: we reenact the tooth fairy ritual, my one stipulation is we do the twist my folks did and have the tooth in a cup on like the counter, no under the pillow business. I'm not sure how I feel about this because… we don't really do anything this sly with her already so it feels weird to me.” Jay sighed and moved the pot off the burner, giving it time to cool. “Two: we're upfront with her, and just give her a small bit of money or whatever we want to reward her with when her teeth come out because it's an important milestone of growing up and we love her. I like the idea of being honest with her, but I'm worried she might try to speed up some of her tooth loss as a result.” Jay turned to meet Ford's eye. “And three: we just don't do anything. I'm not much a fan of this one, it feels wrong not to celebrate it in some small way, but then again it's a weird ritual to begin with. But I leave the choice to you dear.” 

Ford sighed again, worrying at his lip. “That's why I asked you dear, I don't know how to choose.”

“...I ‘ike the one where I ‘et ‘oney,” came a small voice from behind them, muffled by the napkin.

“ _Ah-_ … Marnie…” Ford trailed off in quiet contemplation for a moment as he looked down at her. “Well…. I suppose that settles that.”

“ _Cheater_ ,” teased Jay, gently bumping his hip with their own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao sorry for uploading this one late, got stuck working on my computer


	26. Who Asked for More Insecure Ford?

It had been a slow day at home for Ford and Marnie, Jay having left a few days before to visit an old friend. Aside from Marnie being more lethargic than usual, very little stood out to the two of them for the past couple days.

Ford was in the middle of washing some dishes and the odd piece of equipment in the sink, when he was startled by his daughter tugging weakly at his coat. 

"Dad, I don't feel too good," Marnie mumbled miserably.

"Here, give me a moment to finish this dish, and then we'll--" Ford began to say, before he was interrupted by the sound of Marnie retching behind him. Ford let out a soft sigh, his fingertips grasping at the countertop briefly as he steeled himself before turning around. 

Marnie sniffled as she clutched her hands over her mouth, still gagging. Her eyes were teary as she put her hands down, and her lip wobbled as she whimpered. " _Daa-aaaddy_."

Ford went into action immediately, gingerly picking her up to carry her to the bathroom. "Shhhhhh, it'll be okay sweetheart," he murmured, wincing and setting her down as she started to throw up again before they reached the toilet. "Shhhh, it'll be alright, don't keep it down if you can't."

* * *

The rest of the day sped by alarmingly fast. Ford scarcely paid any attention to the passing of time, too devoted to looking after his ill daughter, cleaning up the vomit in the hall, and helping redress her when she sweat through her clothes. The only real indication he had that so much time had passed, was the fact the light that had streamed in through the window had already gone from bright morning light, to the darkening hues of orange and red of sunset. 

He was in the middle of his 19th pacing session in the living room when the front door opened. Ford jolted dramatically at the sight of Jay, standing in the doorway. "Dear! I thought you were supposed to be out of town until tomorrow," Ford exclaimed.

"Frank called, and ratted you out. Why didn't you call me?" Jay replied.

Ford stammered, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. "I, erm, didn't want to interrupt you on your time off…"

Jay rolled their eyes but fondly grabbed and squeezed his hands. "Our daughter being ill is _exactly_ the sort've thing I will never mind being interrupted for."

"I'll, ah, keep that in mind next time," he mumbled.

"How are _you_ holding up though?"

"Well… her condition seems stable right now, I'm not happy her fever hasn't completely gone away, but her temperature _has_ gone down, at least. And she's been keeping down liquids now."

"That's good to hear, but that's also not what I asked."

Ford paused, his body tense, before he let out a shaky sigh, his fingers trembling slightly as they played with each other. "I'm… nervous. I want-- ….. _need_ to be strong, and keep reassuring her that everything is fine; but, I feel on the verge of panicking. Questions like "Have I misdiagnosed her?" Or "What if she has a reaction to the medicine I give her?" Keep coming to mind. _I don't know what to do_ ," he stammered, and though he spoke slowly for this very reason, he could not keep the tremor out of his voice as he went on.

"You don't usually get this tense over patients, even the kids, at least overtly anyways," Jay murmured softly.

Ford sighed. "It's, erm, not as if I _don't_ have these concerns for them as well…"

"...it's because it's your daughter, isn't it? You can't compartmentalize it this time…"

Ford coughed in quiet embarrassment. "I suppose there is some, ah, truth to your theory…"

"...It's _alright_ dear, you're doing fine so far."

Ford blushed, sheepishly toying with his glasses at their words. "...I'm glad _you_ think so at least."

"...I bet Marnie feels the same way."

Ford gave another shaky sigh at that. “I hope so…”

"I'm positive," Jay mumbled, pulling him down for a gentle kiss.

A shiver ran down his spine, and his vision went blurry, tears welling up in the corners of his ears, though he'd deny it if asked. "Thank you dear…"

Jay continued to smile warmly up at him "I think I'm going to make dinner now, though."

"I don't know that Marnie can keep anything down still," Ford murmured in reply.

Jay stared curiously at him for a minute before sighing in resignation. "C'mere and sit down already."

"Ah… I'm--" Ford began, before two things happened. Jay caught his arm, and his knees suddenly gave out, exhausted from being on his feet so long without rest. "...Oh."

"Yeah, Ford. _Oh_ ," Jay mimicked as they helped him to his feet again, and steered him to the table. "I'm just gonna heat up some leftovers if that's alright with you."

"That's ah--" Ford winced, his stomach deciding to send out jolts of pain now that he'd been reminded about needing to eat. "...That sounds just fine dear."

Shaking their head at their spouse, Jay handed him a cookie. "Here, nibble on one of these, I brought them back with me, it'll just be a couple minutes for the leftovers to heat up."

Ford nodded, equally sheepish and grateful to be looked after so. "Thank you."

"I'm gonna check on Marnie real quick. _You_ stay here." Jay gestured pointedly as they said this, their tone of "I'm watching you" impossible to overlook. 

* * *

Marnie whined quietly to herself as her door creaked open, light sneaking in through the crack. "....Wren?" She mumbled.

"Yes honey, it's me, I decided to come home early."

"...Sorry…."

"Shhhh sh shh, none of that, it's not your fault. How are you feeling?"

Marnie groaned softly, curling up under the blankets. "...Hurts…" She mumbled

Jay paused. "Nauseas pain, hungry pain, or sharp, stabby pain?"

Marnie was silent for a minute. "....Hungry…"

"Do you think you can keep it down if I made you something gentle?"

"...Yeah."

"Okay, I'm gonna cook up some soft veggie soup real quick. Drink some more of your water and go back to sleep and I'll wake you when it's ready."

"Okay wren…."

* * *

"Aside from the stomach flu, have you two been holding up well enough without me?" Asked Jay, serving up Ford's food before setting to work on the soup.

"Ah, yes. We have. Marnie was a great help for Colin and Noel when they were tending your crops the other day. And I… erm, found out where the dairy samples I took last month ended up, and washed out their containers," Ford sheepishly admitted.

"Well that's good to hear at least." Jay smiled to themself as they set the pot to simmer for a little bit. They smiled playfully as they stepped up behind Ford, playfully tracing a finger up his spine. "Did you miss me?" Jay murmured as they snuggled him from behind.

Ford hummed softly at the affection, a shy smile on his face as he glanced back at them. "Always."

“Good. I’d hate to think you got on _too_ well without me,” they teased.

“Oh… you need not worry about that..” Ford mumbled.

Jay rolled their eyes before they kissed his cheek. “I _told_ you, you’ve done fine so far.”

“Mmm..”

“I mean it.”

“.....How are you so calm right now?”

“You’ve seen me go outside during a typhoon.”

“Ah…. right…”

Jay giggled, nuzzling his cheek fondly. “Also, I know she’s been in your capable hands all day, why would I be worried?”

Ford blushed, a shy smile on his face as he avoided their eye. “A-ah… You flatter me…”

“Oh believe me, it’s well-earned,” Jay murmured into his ear. “I’m gonna take Marnie some soup and crackers. _You_ should get cleaned up for bed, you’ve done just fine today, Ford.”

“....If you say so dear.”

“I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk I didn't really figure out how to finish this one


	27. Sorry I Just Like Writing Ford as a Sleepy Bitch

It was late one evening. Jay had been curled up on the couch, engrossed in an old favorite book of theirs, a guilty pleasure read from when they were a teen, when they startled at a small finger poking their arm. Marnie stood before them, pouting gently in her pajamas. “Yes sweetie?” Jay asked.

“He fell asleep again,” said Marnie.

“Oh dear. I'll get him right now. Do you need another bedtime story too?”

Marnie shook her head. “Nuh huh.”

Jay leaned over so Marnie could take their hand, leading them to her bedroom. A sigh escaped as they regarded their sleeping spouse, sprawled half-on and half-off their daughter's bed following bedtime stories again. With only the slightest effort they lifted him off the cot and into their arms. “ _Goodnight Marnie_ ,” Jay whispered as they walked out, turning the light off behind them.

“ _‘Night wren_ ,” Marnie whispered back, already curling up under her covers.

“Mnnh?” Ford murmured, more asleep than awake still as Jay walked into their bedroom.

“ _Shhhh_ , bedtime dear.”

“... _Pajamas…_ ” He mumbled, weakly struggling in their arms as they moved to set him down.

“You put them on earlier, Ford.” Jay whispered back, helping him under the covers.

“........You?” He eventually mumbled, his hands sleepily grabbing onto their arms when they tried to pull away.

“...I just need to tidy something up and get dressed and I'll be right in.”

“...Don’t be long….” Ford mumbled, the blankets already pulled tight against himself as he settled into their bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /shrugs  
> I've basically been rebuilding a pc with 90% new shit so my head is absolutely in pieces rn sorry


	28. This Chapter is Almost as Short as my Patience for TERFs

“ _Marn_ , come here for a second!” The farmer called after their child. Licking their thumb, they leaned down, wiping a smudge from their chubby cheek. “Aaand, _there_. Okay sweetie, you're good to go, don't wander too far okay? Not past the barn fence or into the woods.”

Marnie giggled as Jay playfully nuzzled their nose to hers before waving her off to play around. She leapt down the stairs, almost running into Ford at the bottom. “Sorry daddy!” She yelled, barely slowing for a moment as she dashed off to play.

Ford rolled his eyes with a tiny smile at their reckless child, having long since learned that there was a short list of what could keep her focused when she was on a mission, lectures on safety not included. 

“Hi dear,” said Jay, greeting Ford with a fond smile.

“You wiped her face with saliva.”

“She had mud on her chin!” 

“ _You used bodily fluids to clean it_.”

“I thought you said spit has some antibacterial properties before! And personally _**I**_ would be more concerned about me licking my hand, you don't know when I last washed- _Yes,_ yes, washing my hands and rinsing my mouth _now_ , dear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> but ao3 doesn't like it when you have 0 words so rip the chapter that is as short as that patience


	29. Oh my God, TWO Chapters on one day????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt bad I almost forgot to upload the next drabble today and it was such a tiny one I did the two at once thing again

It was dark and silent in the house at that hour. Daybreak was still several hours away, and everyone was asleep. Everyone save but one.

Jay woke up when the door creaked open, not moving aside from cracking open an eye to peer into the gloom as to what it was.

“ _Wren? ….Dad?...._ ” Whispered Marnie as she snuck into her parents’ bedroom. “I….” She began to mumble, before she sniffled, tears threatening to start.

Ford stirred under the covers next to Jay. “...... _Marnie_? What's wrong?” Ford eventually mumbled, still half asleep.

Marnie sniffled and tried to respond before she began to cry, quiet sobs wracking her tiny body.

“ _Sweetheart_. _Shhhh, it'll be alright. It's okay. We're here._ ” Ford got out of bed immediately, scooping her into his arms before sitting back on the bed with her. “ _We’re here Marnie. We’re here_.” Ford rocked gently on the bed, rubbing slow circles on her back as he waited for her sobs to slow.

Eventually she calmed enough to speak again, her sobs slowing into hiccuping sniffles as she hid her face in Ford’s damp shirt. “......I’m sorry dad,” she whispered against him,

Ford shook his head, squeezing her tightly. “There’s nothing to apologize for sweetie, it’s alright… Do you want to talk about it?”

Marnie shook her head, still hiding her face in his shirt.

“Are you sure? It can help greatly.”

She shook her head again.

“Okay dear. Would you like to… Wait, one moment.” Ford reached behind himself to gently nudge Jay awake.

“Mmmm?” Jay murmured, rolling over to face him as they pretended to have just woken up. “What is it?”

“Is it alright if Marnie sleeps with us?” Ford whispered.

“...Yes dear.”

Ford turned back to Marnie. “Would you like to sleep with us tonight Marnie?”

She hesitated for a few minutes, her fingers clutching absently at her father still, before nodding sheepishly.

With that, Ford gently plucked her up off his lap and laid her in the middle of the bed between him and Jay, pulling the covers up. “Rest well dear, you’re safe.”

The room fell silent once more, and Ford had about drifted off once more when he heard her whisper. 

“....Dad?”

“.......Yes Marnie?”

“.........Don’t leave.”

Ford paused, confused by her remark. “I’m not going anywhere sweetie...” He felt her tiny fingers trembling as she clutched the blanket. “......Marnie?”

“...In my dream……” Marnie whispered.

“Yes sweetie?” Ford whispered back.

“...You left… like you do sometimes…. But you never came back an- ...and…” Marnie began to sniffle again, hiding her face in the blanket with a whimper.

Ford drew his arms around her immediately. “Sweetie…”

“... _Please don't leave._ ”

Ford’s chest _ached_ at this, his eyes flicking up to meet Jay’s as they watched him, before he squeezed her tighter, tucking her head under his chin. “Shhhh, I promise I won’t leave, Marnie.” Ford’s eyes flicked up to meet Jay’s once more when he felt their touch on his arm, shifting so they could move nearer and cuddle up to Marnie from behind.

Marnie sniffled against Ford. “....Sorry wren….”

“Shhhhh,” Jay whispered, nuzzling a warm kiss to the crown of her head. “You’re so important to us sweetie. Neither of us is going anywhere.”

“.......... _You promise?_ ” Marnie whispered.

Ford met Jay's eye as he murmured. “ _We promise_.”

Marnie made a little sound of thanks as she settled between the two of them.

Ford met Jay's eye again, and with a silent nod he curled around their daughter, Jay wrapping their arms around them both as they settled behind Marnie.

Marnie sniffled quietly as she drifted off between her parents, their warmth and soothing heartbeats lulling her to sleep once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also lmao at one point I had a later scene where Ford decides to skip out on traveling to a conference because of this, to put Marnie at ease, and then the carriage he chartered gets caught in a rockslide, and the driver is fine minus some bruises but the rest of the carriage is _crushed_ and it shakes Jay to their core buuuut  
> it didn't really serve any purpose aside from story flavoring n it felt too much like a competent, long-form fic and I do _not_ have the time or energy for that shit


	30. I Don't Have a Funny Title for this one Either

“Dad's mad at me.”

“Oh sweetheart… No, he's- well he's a little upset about it…”

“I didn't mean to!”

“...You didn't mean to jump off the shed?”

“No- I mean… I just wanted to do a stunt…”

“Sweetheart… You know it takes training and special equipment for that, right? They don't just jump off things and take falls and magically _not_ get hurt.”

Marnie went silent, her un-bandaged hand kneading at the blanket beneath her as she teared up.

“Oh honey… we're not mad... Just… a little upset…”

“It's the same thing!”

“Marnie… we're just… _you really gave us a fright_. You could've hurt yourself so much worse, you know that right?”

“...I didn't mean to…”

“We know sweetie, we know.”

“...And now dad's mad at me for it.”

“...No he's just- ...He got really scared, and he kinda takes it personally.”

“Why?”

Jay shrugged, hugging their daughter against their side as they tried to put it into words. “I think he just- gets _frustrated_ that he can't keep everyone from getting hurt at some point, no matter how hard he tries.”

“....Have you seen dad get mad like this before?”

“I've been on the receiving end a few times.”

“ _Nuh-huh_.”

“ _ **Yuh-huh**_. Passed out in front of him in town once.” 

Marnie gaped. “What’d _he_ do?”

Jay chuckled. “He about took my head off when I woke up. Gave me a loooong lecture about taking better care of myself and so on. But he apologized almost immediately, since he could tell it wasn't normal for me to drop like that so easily. That and he knew I had a lot going on...”

“ _No way_ , dad apologized for a lecture?”

“I _know_ , hard to believe, right?” Jay smiled fondly at Marnie, who had begun to perk up again already. “Come on, let's head home already, it's about time to start making dinner.”

“Can we have sashimi?”

“...Marnie, you don't even _like_ fish…”

“...Well……”

They squinted down at their child. “You just want to give dad a hard time, don't you?”

“ _ **Pleeeeease?**_ ”

“...I'll think about it.”

Marnie grinned, and Jay found they couldn't help but smile back.

Ford's voice rung out around the corner as he walked in. “And what are we doing now?” 

“ _Oh_. Peanut. If you're done examining Marnie, we were planning on heading back to the farm to start preparing dinner.” 

Silently he regarded the both of them, looking them both up and down quite thoroughly as if mentally appraising them both for something. “Yes, yes,” he murmured distractedly, “I see no problem with this as long as you refrain from dangerous activities.”

“ _Darn,_ gotta take the fun outta everything,” Jay teased.

Ford frowned and rolled his eyes. “Go on. Shoo. **Out** of my clinic already.”

Jay giggled and made their way to the stairs, Marnie following close behind.

“...See you later dad,” said Marnie.

“Goodbye Marnie...... Just try not to become a patient again so soon,” replied Ford, a distant look in his eye as he turned to get back to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bad news: we're reaching the end of the ficlets I have for this specific collection  
> good news: I actually have another one that's about this goofy little pairing, but with a _tiny_ twist  
> bad news: I haven't decided if I'll put it in this fic thing or its own work since its kinda??? accidentally more cohesive  
> good news: there's still like more than 6 bits left to that one so we've got over a month until I actually start thinking about that


	31. Oh Look, Wayne is Actually in this Chapter

“Hi Wayne!” Said Marnie as he walked in the door. “Want me to tell dad you're here?”

Wayne chuckled to himself at her exuberance. “Sure.”

Marnie grinned widely and bounced over to the stairs. “ _ **Dad! Wayne's here!**_ ” She bellowed up the stairs.

Wayne's ears rang as he followed her. “Ah… thanks, Marn’....”

Marnie continued to grin as she bounded up the stairs, weaving around her father at the top.

“Ah Wayne,” said Ford. “Come on up. I just need to clean up an experiment first, but make yourself at home.” 

Wayne nodded as he passed Ford on the stairs, smiling and tipping his hat to the farmer as he made his way to the sitting room. “Howdy Jay, didn't know you were here. Hope I'm not intruding on anything.”

Jay snorted quietly, turning back to the stove. “Not at all Wayne. Just cooking up some lunch, take a seat.”

“Oh. Ya sure I'm not intruding?” Wayne paused, not wanting to interrupt family time.

Jay shook their head as they waved him to take a seat. “You come at the same time as always, I'm already making enough. Just take a seat already.”

He gave an embarrassed chuckle as he finally sat down. “Alright. Alright.”

Marnie giggled and plopped down into the seat next to Wayne.

“Well hey there. How have you been Marn’?” Asked Wayne.

She smiled and fidgeted in her seat. “Good.”

Wayne smiled at her. “Have you _been_ good?”

Marnie’s smile widened “A pipsqueak terror.” 

“Oh _have you now?_ ”

“Mmhmmm,” came Jay's voice from the kitchen. “Can't do a _thing_ with her.”

“How do you cope?”

“Oh the usual. Bribery,” Jay replied, playfully frowning at Marnie as they spoke.

“Ah, I should've guessed.” Wayne startled himself when he turned back around in his seat, meeting Marnie’s intense stare. “...Something up kiddo?”

“Do you smile a lot?”

Wayne cocked his head as he thought about their question, confusion plain on his face. “I suppose so. Why?”

“‘Cause you got the wrinkles by your eyes.” 

“O- oh... do I now?”

“Uh huh, they squinkle up a little when you talk, and a _lot_ when you smile.”

Jay had to quietly slap their hand over their mouth to hide the giggle that threatened to escape at the bluntness of their daughter, as Ford finally returned upstairs.

“Sorry for the wait- Did something happen?”

“Yer daughter’s just talking about my wrinkles,” replied Wayne, a good-natured grin threatening to split his face.

“….. _Marnie_ ,” Ford sighed in quiet exasperation.

“ _But he does!_ ” Marnie whined before she turned to Wayne again. “Dad says it happens when you get older and your face doesn’t bounce back like it used to. And wren says it happens when you smile a lot.”

“Is that so kiddo?” Wayne fought to bite back a grin as Ford rolled his eyes in exasperation, taking a seat across from them, Jay giggling quietly in the kitchen. 

“Uh huh! Dad also says the bags under wren’s eyes are from not sleeping enough like they should.”

“ _ **Marnie**_ ,” Ford warned as he avoided Jay’s bemused look across the room.

“Well you know me, never been good at following the doctor’s advice,” Jay teased as they turned off the stove.

“Dear--” Ford began.

“Well if that’s the case,” interrupted Wayne, “why aren’t there any wrinkles on you, little miss gigglepuss?”

Marnie beamed. “‘Cause I got a younger, rubberier face!”

“ _Here, lemme see if I can do anything for that young, elastic face of yours_ ,” Jay teased as they set the food on the table.

“ _Noooooooo! Wren don't!_ ” Marnie squealed, trying to bat away Jay's hand as they tried to playfully pinch her cheeks.

Ford rolled his eyes. “ _Dears_.”

Marnie settled down in her seat. “Yes dad. Sorry dad.”

Jay grinned as they walked around Ford. “Yes, _sorry dad_ ,” they teased, nuzzling his cheek fondly.

Ford rolled his eyes again, the lightest of blushes on his cheeks as he playfully pushed them away. “ _Sit down,_ dear.”

“Yes sweetie,” Jay murmured, kissing his cheek before taking a seat.

Ford rolled his eyes with a faint smile. “Hmmph, so how is that new assistant working out, Wayne?” 

“Ah… there's a few… _things_ that still need working out, but their heart is in the right place at least.” Wayne smiled as Marnie leaned over the table to try and reach the ladle, pulling the platter nearer for her so she could reach it.

“Are they still getting deliveries mixed up?” Asked Jay, sticking their tongue out at their daughter as she frowned at the veggies they spooned onto her plate.

“Nnno, they're just having some issues with maps and are still a little…. Slow.” 

“They're still new to the area, they'll learn it,” said Ford.

“Mmyup. It's nice to have some backup at the very least,” replied Wayne.

“I don’t know how you managed so many deliveries on your own for so long.” Said Jay.

Wayne smirked. “Well it certainly didn’t hurt this one farmer kept taking on all the part-time work I posted for a while there.”

Jay snorted and rolled their eyes in response. “Gee, I wonder why they don't have the time to do that anymore,” said Jay, fondly watching their daughter try to hide the green beans in her pocket, gently mouthing ‘no’ at her when Marnie realized she'd been caught.

“Oh. Before I forget to ask, what happened with that one patient you were talkin about the other day?”

“Hmm? Oh, them… they lost interest surprisingly quickly when they found out I was married--”

“I'm sorry?” Interjected Jay. “ _What?_ ”

“Ah-” Ford stammered, having forgotten to tell Jay about it previously. “I didn't mention it yet, did I? Er, the other day a new patient of mine made their interest known… in no uncertain terms…”

Jay looked at him curiously for a moment before breaking out into a wide grin. “Well I always knew you were a catch, makes sense others would figure it out eventually too. Too bad for them I caught you first.”

“Ah- …. _Jay_ …” Ford tried to admonish, to straighten them out a bit, but was blushing too deeply for it to have any affect.

Wayne couldn't help laughing at the disgusted face Marnie made at the display of affection, gagging quietly to herself. “They've been that way for a while kiddo, there's no helping them now.”

Ford tried to fume however slightly at his teasing, but it was difficult to pull off when Jay snuck in a kiss, taking advantage of his distraction.

Marnie gagged louder at this, but giggled when Wayne moved to cover her eyes. “Waaayne.”

Wayne smirked. “It's for your own protection Marn’,” he said, matter of factly.

“Hey, no third-wheel parenting Wayne,” Jay teased. 

“Alright, alright.”

Marnie giggled at the wink Wayne gave her, doing her best to wink conspiratorially back.

Ford smiled the smallest hint of a smile at this before returning to his meal. “But, um, yes, as soon as I told them I was… “taken” their demeanor changed completely,” he mumbled.

“Oh? Hopefully they were well-behaved at least…” 

“Ah, yes, they were. It was just, um, startling when their whole demeanor changed…” said Ford.

“...Well it's good to hear they didn't harass you at least. Oh, speaking of which--” Jay turned to face Wayne again. “Has your fanclub been behaving?” 

Wayne rolled his eyes. “Don't call it that. But yeah, no one's caused much of a fuss since last time.” He winced as he recalled.

“Oh yeahhh…. Were you able to get in contact with her again after that?”

Wayne shrugged noncommittally, toying with the food on his plate. “Yeah. It didn't work out. Not from that but they didn't know how to feel about my job keeping us apart.”

“Aw, I'm sorry to hear that- Marnie eat the food, don't play with it.”

Ford had been sitting quietly and observing, when a thought struck him. “Wayne, you seem to get along well with Lisette, have you ever considered her?”

Wayne turned ever so slightly pinker at his question, taking a quick bite of food to give himself time to think. “Come on Ford. There's no way she'd be interested…”

“Oh my _**god**_ you're just like Frank when I ask him about asking Miranda out,” said Jay.

“No I'm not,” Wayne snapped back.

“Yeah you are.”

“No I'm not.”

“Yeah you are.”

“No I'm not.”

Yeah you are.”

“No I'm not.”

“Yeah--”

“Ahem.” Ford interjected, giving them both a withering stare.

Jay deflated, unable to stop themself from mouthing ‘yeah you are’ one more time before turning their attention back to Marnie. “Come on Marnie, eat the veggies, they're not gonna do it themselves.”

Marnie fumed. “But they feel icky…” 

“Well I can't change the texture at this point, but I'll try to pick one that works better for you next time. I promise-”

“Carrots.”

Jay laughed. “ _Okay_ , I'll make carrots next time.”

Marnie smiled a little at that, before screwing her face up in determination, and taking a bite of the dreaded green beans, small noises of disgust escaping her as she ate. 

* * *

“I should get back to work, thanks for the lunch Jay.”

Jay nodded, keeping their eyes on their daughter as she dried the dishes they'd washed. “Always a pleasure.” 

Wayne glanced around to make sure Ford was still out of earshot before sidling up next to them. “...When you say I'm just like Frank…”

Jay snorted quietly. “...Look, I made a promise I wouldn't try to mess with others’ relationships anymore, but honestly? Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” Jay smirked to themself as they tipped his hat over his eyes. “You never know.”

Wayne smiled out of habit, his thoughts clearly elsewhere as he fixed his hat. “...I’ll think about it.”

“You do that. Good luck with your deliveries. I think I saw newbie heading towards Lulukoko earlier…”

“....Well that's not good, I asked them to take the Tsuyukusa deliveries. I better go check. See ya Jay.”

“Bye Wayne!” Said Marnie, the plate she was trying to dry clattering where it landed back on the counter.

Wayne chuckled, turning back around to wave goodbye as he left. “See ya Marn’.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man, the dialogue turned out fun in this one


	32. And now we Reach the Beginning of the end of These Ficlets

It was late.

Or early, depending on how you looked at it.

Ford woke to Jay jolting up in bed next to him, their breathing quick and startled. “Hmmm? Jay?” He yawned, his eyes refusing to open more than a crack as he peered blearily at them as they got out of bed. “It’s not time…”

Jay shook their head, haphazardly tossing on a coat and rummaging for their shoes. “It’s- I just have a bad feeling about something, I’m just gonna go check...” They whispered back.

“...About what?” Ford mumbled, his eyes already struggling to stay even partially open. 

“.....It’s probably nothing, but I won’t be able to settle until I check just in case, I’ll be back soon, and I promise I’ll basically be taking tomorrow off,” Jay muttered quickly. 

“Mmmmmmhhhh,” Ford mumbled. He tried to stay awake enough, to at least ask where they were going, but sleep proved more powerful, and he barely registered their lips on his forehead as they kissed him goodbye, before he fell unconscious once more.

It was scarcely any more appropriate a time to wake up when his phone rang a while later. It was a small cell, with more gadgets than he felt he needed, but had procured the device on the insistence of the farmer, dragging him into the modern age whether he wanted to be or not. He groped over the bedside table for his glasses as he squinted at the caller ID, blinking in confusion as he recognized it as the number for his clinic. He vaguely recalled Jay getting up a while earlier when he first awoke, but had assumed it was a dream, though now that he looked at his bedside, he realised it was in fact real. Finally he managed to swipe his uncoordinated finger across the screen, picking up the call. “...Hello... dear?” He answered, still mostly asleep.

“Ford there was a baby on your doorstep.”

Ford blinked slowly, consciousness still somewhat eluding him as he said the first thing to come to mind. “...What?”

“At your clinic, Ford. Someone left a baby. They’re not a newborn but they’re definitely young, and I don’t know how long they were outside--”

Suddenly Ford was all-too awake, already scrambling out of bed and into clothes before Jay could finish their sentence. He’d heard the wind blowing that night, and knew it was anything but warm outside. He realized Jay was still talking as he was distracted.

“-weren’t too cold when I found them. They’ve certainly warmed up now they’re inside though, and they don’t seem terribly unresponsive, but you should check on them yourself-”

“Already coming.”

“Wait.”

Ford paused, already reaching for the front door despite only having one arm in his coat. “Yes?”

“Is Marnie awake?” Asked Jay.

Ford glanced over his shoulder. The door to her room was closed, and the light was off. “No, it appears she isn’t.”

“Could you leave her a note before you leave? I don’t want her to worry if she wakes up and we’re both gone.”

Ford sighed but did as he was told. “She’s woken up to us gone before.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better--” Jay’s voice was interrupted by a cry. “Ohhh shh, shh. It’s okay sweetheart. _**Well**_ , their vocal cords seem to work,” said Jay, barely audible over the baby’s cries.

Ford smiled despite himself, setting the note on the table where it could be easily discovered if need be. “ _I can hear that_. I’ll be there shortly.”

Dawn was still several hours away when Ford reached his clinic, and Jay merely gave him a tired smile as he closed the door behind him. “They’re definitely not a newborn,” Ford quietly conceded, taking the tired baby from their arms. “I’d estimate possibly four months? They seem a little malnourished, but not life-threateningly so, and we can fix that easily enough.”

“Was waiting on you before I made them any formula,” Jay murmured.

Ford smiled a quiet, proud smile, before continuing. “I don’t see any injuries at first glance…” He mumbled to himself, setting them gently on the examination table before carefully feeling down them. “I’m not feeling anything out of the ordinary as well so far. They are definitely in need of a meal however.”

“On it, dear.”

Ford smiled after them as Jay left to go upstairs, before resuming his examination. Nothing appeared amiss as he checked their reflexes, aside from being clearly tired. As far as he could tell nothing was out of the ordinary with their hearing, and apart from possibly being nearsighted, he saw nothing unusual with their eyes as well. 

“Here,” said Jay, suddenly appearing in his peripheral, bottle in hand. “What’s the diagnosis?” Jay asked, carefully taking them from his arms as he offered the child.

“They seem to be in remarkably good health given the circumstances, but I should probably run some tests later today. Was there, um..”

Jay nodded absently at his answer, before gesturing to the workstation behind him as they helped the baby suckle the offered bottle. “Found a note on them, yes.”

Ford nodded tersely and went to read the note, a quiet pang of worry settling in his stomach at just how forcefully and eagerly the baby was suckling, wondering just how long they had gone since their last meal. He scanned over the letter, a frown firmly settling over his face as he read its contents. His eyes flicked up to meet Jay’s a few times as they watched him read, watching him knowingly. “Well,” he murmured, getting up to hand Jay a small towel.

“Yeah,” answered the farmer, laying it on their shoulder before moving to burp the baby. 

Silence fell over them both, the sound of Jay gently patting them post-feeding the only noise to be heard.

“...How… er,” Ford eventually mumbled. “How did you know?...”

Jay sighed, fidgeting awkwardly as they juggled them to their other shoulder. “...I didn't. Not exactly.”

Ford gave them a quiet nod of encouragement, waiting for them to continue.

“I… just had this…. _off_ feeling. That something wasn’t quite right. I don’t know why.”

Ford sighed, running his hands through his hair as exhaustion began to catch up to him again. “We need to figure out where we go from here.”

“...For starters we need to decide who goes back to the farm tonight to look after Marnie in the morning.”

“She is remarkably adept at taking care of herself dear.”

“Ford she’s _12_ , I don’t want to leave her on her own. I just think one of us should be there to keep an eye on things for a little bit, until Frank’s awake at least, I’m sure he’d say yes to helping look after her for a day… or two.”

“...I can stay with the infant.”

“... _Ford_ ……”

“It’s alright, I’ve slept more than you have. I am _positive_ I can look after them for a few hours on my own dear. I do have a _little_ bit of practice. You should go home and rest.”

Jay smiled, albeit tiredly. "Okay… if you're really that sure… I'll be back as soon as I can later."

Ford nodded, taking the baby from their arms. “I’m _positive_. Go rest dear, we’ll work this out.” Ford smiled as they bid him goodbye, kissing them back before they left, a quiet sense of unease settling low in his gut as he was now left alone with the infant. “Now then… What exactly is your story?”

The child peered up at him oddly before burying their face against his chest with a sniffle, as if to say ‘can’t this wait until morning?’

A quiet chuckle escaped Ford at this, and he couldn’t help but gently stroke their head, a quiet, soothing hum escaping him as they nuzzled against him. “I believe I get the hint…” It wasn’t long before they had both retired to his upstairs apartment, Ford carefully lying back on the bed, the baby curled up in his arms and already most of the way asleep as he laid the blanket on them. He stared up at the ceiling as sniffling snores arose from the blanket lump, his mind unable to do anything but wander in the dim light. He made lists of the tests that would be most crucial to run later, organized by how soon they should be run, and whether Jay would be able to assist. He ran through a quick list of vaccinations that would be most beneficial to acquire for them sooner rather than later. And... he mused about how Marnie might react to a new sibling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw Shit we're almost at the end of my.... 42-ish page long doc fulla this meandering bs  
> Sad


	33. Hi, this one's Short, Sorry

“Ford? Are ya here? Clyde said he saw lights on late last night and we just wanted to-” Wayne had walked right into the clinic, calling out to the doctor before stopping dead in his tracks at the sight of him. “...That’s a baby.”

Ford sighed, kneading the bridge of his nose with his free hand. “Astute observation, Wayne.”

“......Whose is it?”

Ford was quiet, the baby babbling in his arms and chewing on their hand. “.....We don’t know.”

“....We?”

Ford sighed again. “......Jay had a bad feeling, and found them last night on the doorstep.”

Wayne whistled softly, impressed. “That sure was a stroke of luck… What’re your plans?”

“Beyond making sure they’re adequately fed, we were going to work out our next steps after Jay finished the morning work, and checked with Frank to see if he can help keep an eye on Marnie for a couple days.”

Wayne paused. “You _do_ know Frank is out of town this week, right?”

Ford dragged his free hand down his face in frustration. “I _knew_ we were overlooking something…”

Wayne chuckled good-naturedly at Ford’s distress. “If you’re really that hard up for help, I’d be willing to help lend a hand.”

Ford sighed. “We don’t want to impose…”

Wayne scoffed. “Wouldn’t offer if it was that big of a problem. Clyde seems to have a pretty good hang of the routes now, ‘sides didn’t you hear about the newbie down the way? It’s another new farmer, and it sounds like they’re jonesing for part-time work right now, so we should be set on all fronts. Anyways….”

“....Lisette might find it fun?”

Wayne grew pink and bristled slightly at his friend before deflating. “....Yeah… I suppose she might.”

Ford gave a sly smile. “Well if you really mean it… Thanks, it would be a great help.”

"Of course, Ford."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a couple things arrived today, only one of which I wanted, and I am too tired to be funny down here


	34. Whoo it's a Vignette

The fascination with their relationship when they first began dating only _somewhat_ prepared them for the zoo of attention that befell them once news had spread that an infant had been found on the clinic’s doorstep. The couple had been beset by people almost constantly to ask them about what happened, and the baby, and whether they knew where they had come from. The fact that so little was known just made the circumstances more interesting to everyone else. To Ford's chagrin, rumors circulated they were a secret lovechild of his. To _Jay's_ amusement, a few also circulated that the baby was _their_ lovechild. But regardless of rumor and speculation, little concrete information was discovered about the infant, much to the frustration of the couple.

“I’m surprised at how little we’ve found out,” mumbled Ford one afternoon a few weeks after the initial buzz had begun to die down, handing the baby girl to Jay as he helped Marnie make herself some lunch.

“I’m not,” Jay mumbled to themself as they rocked her to sleep in their arms. 

“Why do you say that?”

“Given the circumstances, would you want to step forward? ‘Sides….. you saw the note too.”

Ford nodded in begrudging agreement to their point. “Yes…” He glanced back at Jay, sharing their frown as he recalled its contents. 

It had read unsettlingly like a suicide note, and left a poor taste in his mouth as he recalled it even then. One of the later lines still stuck out in both of their minds. “ _Please. Give her the life she deserves, that I won’t be able to_.”

Marnie was staring at her as Jay and Ford shared loaded glances above the children’s heads. “Wren, Thwep’s drooling on you again.”

Ford gave her an unamused look as Jay tried to keep back a smile, taking a napkin to dry off their arm. Despite any attempts to tell her otherwise, upon meeting the baby Marnie had declared her to, quote: “Look like a Thwep” and had refused to refer to her as anything else for the past month, much to the annoyance of Ford in particular. 

" _Daaad_ , I don't want crusts," Marnie whined, pointing at the sandwich he was making for her.

"Dear it's just more of the bread," Ford argued.

"The texture's all funny…" Marnie replied. " _Pleeeeease?_ "

"It's a waste of perfectly good food…" Ford mumbled to himself as he did as she asked.

"Oh hush, I'll eat them for her, grumpy-pants," teased Jay.

"It's the principle of the thing."

"Mmmhmmm, like how you suggested to Megan to try adding fish to her diet when you won't hardly touch the stuff yourself?"

Ford bristled, frowning slightly. "That is _completely_ different."

"Mmhmm, with a wholly rational explanation behind it, I'm sure," Jay murmured, swooping in to kiss his cheek before stealing a sandwich crust with a grin.

Ford continued to frown, with no real bite behind it, and shook his head at them. " _Honestly_. What am I to do with you?"

"I've got a few ideas," Jay teased, smiling coyly up at him as they put Tulip down for a nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> srry this is late


	35. I'm not Sober Enough to Make a Funney Chapter Title

“We should get out the crib again-”

“Frank’s already coming by with it tomorrow, he was storing it for us, remember?”

“Ah, yes… right…” Ford sighed quietly, taking a seat next to them as it finally hit him. “So. We’re doing this.”

“Would you rather we didn’t?”

Ford sat in silence for a few minutes, his teeth worrying at his lip as he thought about it. “No, no, I think we should.”

“Got attached already, huh?”

“Well- …….yes, I suppose so…”

Jay shrugged, leaning against him. “So did I.”

He smiled lovingly at them, his arm coming to rest on their hip. “...Marnie… do you think?”

“She detests her and practically dotes on her like a proud parent at the same time, I think she thinks of her as a younger sibling already.”

Ford sighed with a quiet chuckle. "Well that's taken care of. Do you think we should, um- ...the name in the note…"

Jay sighed. "I don't… have any better ideas if you don't. We've been calling her by that name so far anyhow…"

Ford pursed his lips as he mulled it over. "It's not a _terrible_ name, per se."

They chuckled as they nuzzled closer to him. "Mmmno, I kinda like it. Tulip's a sweet name."

“Mhmm. Certainly not one I would’ve thought up. But... it seems... fitting, in an odd way.”

“She certainly fits in with us.”

Ford chuckled. “Yes, I suppose so. ...I hope you're aware we _will_ have to start on the paperwork soon.”

Jay groaned and hid their face against him. “I knew this was too easy to be true.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is literally one part left in this weird, extremely self-indulgent collection of Ford having a kid with the farmer  
> and the other, slightly more cohesive collection still doesn't have a good opening section so  
> whoops next one might be _it_ for a while


	36. Whoops this is the Last Chapter?

It didn't take long for normalcy to set in for the small family once more.

"Wren, Tulip needs to be changed again."

"Okay dear, bring her over."

Marnie groaned in disgust as she picked up her sister, who fussed as the smell of the source of her poor mood wafted up. "Grooooooss."

Jay chucked. "So were you dearie."

"No. I was a perfect angel who never pooped in a diaper," insisted Marnie.

"Whatever you say dearie," mumbled Jay.

"And I always smelled of lilacs."

"Mhmm."

"Wreeen."

"Yes?"

Marnie pouted before gagging dramatically as Jay changed Tulip. " _Grosssssss_."

"That's how it is dearie," Jay replied. They glanced up when Ford walked in, flashing him a smile.

"Dear have you-- hmm," Ford began to ask, before falling silent, his nose wrinkling as he frowned.

"Would you like to help?" Asked Jay, smiling at the disgusted look Ford wore.

"Do you… ah, _need_ help?"

"Mmmm not if you hand me a fresh one."

Ford nodded tersely, grabbing the new diaper as fast as he could.

Jay giggled at how Ford stretched as much as possible to stay as far back as he could, clearing his throat sheepishly as he looked away. "Thanks dear," said Jay.

"...It's no problem."

"What were you asking dear?" Asked Jay, making faces at Tulip as they wiped her clean.

"Ah… erm, yes. Have you, ah, seen my little book, the red one?"

"Did you check your desk?"

"Yes."

Marnie rolled her eyes as she left, very bored by the conversation.

"Because that's where I saw it last," said Jay.

"Yes, but I already checked there," replied Ford.

"Then I don't know where it is."

"Hmmm," Ford mumbled, distracted.

"Help me for a second?" Asked Jay. "Could you bring me another wipes package? I ran out."

"Ah, of course." 

"Did someone have a mega-poop? Yes she did," Jay cooed at Tulip, making silly faces to keep her entertained while they waited.

Ford rolled his eyes, and set down the wipes. "Here."

"Thanks sweetheart," Jay replied. "Why did you need it?"

"It, ah, had some old research notes in it I wanted to refer back to for a project."

Jay glanced up at him. "Anything I should be concerned about?"

Ford gave them a small scowl. "Of _course not_ dear," he insisted.

"Uh huh, like the stomach medicine?"

"The discoloration issue wasn't something normally tied to the ingredients, and it faded soon enough."

"Dickie was purple for a _week_ ," Jay replied. "And the inhaler?"

"...It _did_ drastically increase airflow.." Ford mumbled.

"Aaand you couldn't speak at all," Jay replied. "I won't _stop_ your experiments, goodness knows I _can't_ , just… be cautious, is all I'm asking."

Ford was sheepish. "I… understand dear, I'll try not to worry you."

"I'm a worrywart, just don't get ahead of yourself," mumbled Jay.

"I found it," said Marnie as she reentered the room and handed the small notebook to her father.

"Ah, _thank you_ dear, where was it?"

She shrugged. "On your desk."

"......Oh," mumbled Ford, sheepishly glancing at Jay.

"I told you," they teased, playfully blowing a raspberry on Tulip's belly before they snapped her onesie back together.

"It was stuck between some of the stacks on your desk."

Ford cleared his throat, embarrassed. "Erm, of course. Thank you Marnie."

"Do you need more file boxes?" Asked Jay.

"Nnnno, don't worry about it dear. It's old files I need to sort. Most of which need to be destroyed, etcetera."

"Okay Ford. Hold her while I wash up?"

Ford nodded, and picked up Tulip, cooing softly at her as he held her. "Better?"

Tulip gurgled up at him, giggling and grabbing his hand when he went to tickle her.

"She certainly _smells_ better," said Marnie.

"Thank you for your input," replied Jay, ruffling Marnie's hair as they walked by after washing up.

"I'm _helping_ ," said Marnie, gesturing to herself with feigned self-importance, before swiping her hair back in order.

"That you do," said Jay, playfully ignoring her. 

"Daaaaaad…" Marnie whined.

"Don't tease her dear," Ford playfully chastised, kissing Jay's cheek as they took Tulip from his arms.

"Take all the fun out of my day why don't you?" Jay smiled as they said this, their hand running down his back.

"Of course, it's my job dear."

Marnie gagged dramatically at the sappiness of her parents, they themselves giggling at her theatrics.

“Marnie wash up, I need your help with dinner tonight,” said Ford.

“Uuuugh, it’s dad’s turn to make dinner tonight?” Marnie pouted.

Ford rolled his eyes, gesturing for her to wash up already. “ _Yes_ , you’ll survive somehow…”

Jay giggled as Marnie walked off. “I think we’ve done alright, everything considered,” Jay murmured into Fords ear as they went to hug his side.

“There were certainly a few things not covered in the books,” He conceded with a small grin in reply.

“Good thing I’ve got you,” Jay whispered, kissing his now lightly blushing cheek.

Ford chuckled. “The same goes for me as well.”

“Daaaaaad! I washed them!” Came Marnie’s yell from the kitchen.

Ford rolled his eyes, kissing Jay’s cheek back before going to join her. “ _No yelling in the house!_ ” he yelled in reply.

Jay shook their head at the two of them, before smiling down at the happy infant in their arms. “Yeah, I think we’re doing okay,” They murmured to themself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyyyyyyy so, sorry this took forever to post but life and videogames came up n I felt like this chapter wasn't rlly strong enough to end on but I really don't have anything else I can add to this fic anymore.  
> But I have good news and bad news.  
> The good news is I have another story that is just like this one! Except also completely different.  
> And is already 53 pages long.  
> Buuuut the starting also isn't done and I don't know _when_ I'll be satisfied with it, so if when I start posting that one is just To Be Determined.


End file.
